Earth Wind Fire Retro (Zaccaria Table Review)

EARTH WIND FIRE RETRO

Matt on Earth Wind Fire Retro: The line of very deep saucers up the center is a welcome feature. The saucers often grab the ball or change its trajectory (you know, pinball randomness). However, trying to intentionally get into the lit saucer seems to depend on luck and persistence. Some kind of rule that lights multiple saucers would be welcome. There’s not much else interesting on this playfield, but the rollover lanes might suffice. The original Earth Wind Fire has plenty of top lanes, rollover targets, and other targets. Where are any of those?

A distant cousin to 70s hits like Centigrade or Sheriff, only without much in the way of dynamic scoring. Besides a pair of high-yielding bumpers, the targets are four roll-over targets that have to be hit twice in a single ball to score their maximum value. That’s nothing compared to the five saucers that only are worth shooting if they’re lit. Although each saucer is numbered, their number isn’t relevant. Only one is lit at a time, and sinking the ball in a lit one provides 500 points. That’s five times the value of a lit roll-over. The good news is that none of the saucers are risky. The bad news is I’ve pretty much explained the table in its entirety. It left Matt wondering where the relationship to the original EWF is at all? Cathy and Angela can’t believe everyone else is giving such a nothing table a positive mark, but Sasha and Oscar note that there is a method to the madness. Saucer #1 and especially Saucer #2 has a puncher’s chance of being released, banging off a bumper and going right back into the saucer, and since you can aim at those, this is technically a shooter’s table. Nobody is going to find Earth Wind Fire Retro to be exciting, but they might find some of it satisfying. Sasha actually changed her score a few days ago, saying she thinks it does just cross the line into borderline greatness. Needless to say, she stands alone there.
Set: Zaccaria – 40 Retro Tables
Model: Zaccaria EM
Table Type: Pick ‘n Flick
Cathy: BAD (2 out of 5)
Sasha The Kid: GREAT– (4 out of 5)
Angela: BAD
Oscar: GOOD–
Jordi: GOOD
Dave: GOOD
Matt: BAD+
Dash: BAD
Scoring Average: 2.625 – Okay
Final Average: 2.5 – Okay at Best
A Pinball Chick Team 🥶Polarizing Table🥶
Cathy ranks #11 in 3 Ball Arcade – Post Update Highest Score
Sasha the Kid ranks #9 in 5 Ball Arcade – Post Update Highest Score
Cathy ranks #2 in Time Loop Mode – Post Update Highest Score

Clown Retro (Zaccaria Pinball Table Review)

CLOWN RETRO

Sasha the Kid: “Maybe Clown Retro actually DOES have an Italian Bottom. I don’t know what clown pants look like in Italy!” You know what? I think she’s going to work out just fine as Indie Gamer Chick 2.0 some day.

When you have a roll-over target, I find it really helps that the target be, you know, what you aim at! The highest scoring element in Clown Retro are five roll-over lights that score 1,000 points once all five are lit. One little problem: the actual targets are not one-to-one with the lights on the table. Either that’s the problem or the targets aren’t sensitive enough, because we had moments literally every turn where the ball passed over the targets and didn’t light ’em. Not that it would save Clown. This is a table that lives down to the notion that pinball is a game of random luck. There’s too many chaos elements and no means to defend against them. It needed a lot more flippers just to rise to the level of BAD, but instead, the flippers are separated by the full length of the playfield. Combine that with the nightmare fuel art and the end result is Clown is Jerry Lewis is no longer responsible for the worst thing ever produced involving clowns. True story: Sasha didn’t get that joke at first. We explained it to her and her eyes got as wide as saucers and she said “yeah, no offense, but what you just described to me sounds a lot worse than a stupid pinball table.” Okay, fair. Oscar still thinks Matt’s rating of BAD was a practical joke. “It’s the ‘+’ that makes it suspect” he said, side-eyeing Matt. Everyone agreed multiball would have given the eyes SOME logical, high stakes shooting value. And, like so many Zacretros, this REALLY needed woodrail-style add-a-ball. Without that, there’s just no excitement. Clown is the definitive Plinko pin and one of the worst digital pins ever made.
Set: Zaccaria – 40 Retro Tables
Model: Zaccaria EM
Table Type: Woodrail
Reworking of Hawaiian Beauty (1954 Gottlieb)
Cathy: THE PITS (1 out of 5)
Sasha The Kid: THE PITS
Angela: THE PITS
Oscar: THE PITS
Jordi: THE PITS
Dave: THE PITS
Matt: BAD+ (2 out of 5)
Dash: THE PITS
Scoring Average: 1.125
Final Average: 1.0
💩Certified a Turd💩 by The Pinball Chick Team
🏆Jordi ranks #7 in 5 Ball Simulation
🏆Jordi ranks #7 in Time Loop Mode
🏆Cathy ranks #10 in Time Loop Mode

Circus Retro (Zaccaria Pinball Table Review)

CIRCUS RETRO

During our final run-through before posting this review, we each took a turn over-clocking the rollover, which after a value of 90 resets to 10 points. It would be nice if there were bonus points attached to this and not just a penalty for keeping the ball alive long enough to hit the target nine times. “Why not go wild and change the flippers to the seesaw kind from the lower playfield of Zen’s Ant Man?” asked Matt. Because that sounds too fun to Zacretros.

Circus Retro and Blackbelt Retro are cousins, though Circus takes a hard stance against trapping. Say what you will about Blackbelt, but rebounding is possible on it. Because the corner flippers have bumpers right on them, there’s no potential for defense. The ball is a hot coal that you’re tossing back and forth until you’re able to pop it up into the bumper field. Dave and Angela’s argument against THE PITS is that, unlike Blackbelt, there’s actual shooting angles that allow you to get the ball up above the bumpers to start a scoring sequence, and Angela adds that charging the bumper value with the central rollover target isn’t impossible. “The middle flippers have a safe backhand angle to charge the bumpers, so this isn’t COMPLETELY Plinko” was her sole argument against THE PITS, plus the fact that we played this more than any other table that scored under a 2.0. Meanwhile, Matt apparently found a safe pop-up angle, but none of the rest of us were able to locate it. Angela and Matt stunned us (especially Oscar, who’s beside himself) by defending this just enough to block it from all-time dumpster fire status, but the rest of us think the Circus left town.
Set: Zaccaria – 40 Retro Tables
Model: Zaccaria EM
Table Type: Woodrail
Cathy: THE PITS (1 out of 5)
Sasha The Kid: THE PITS+
Angela: BAD (2 out of 5)
Oscar: THE PITS
Jordi: THE PITS+
Dave: THE PITS
Matt: BAD
Dash: THE PITS
Scoring Average: 1.25
Final Average: 1.16
💩Certified a Turd💩 by The Pinball Chick Team
Cathy ranks #3 in 3 Ball Arcade – Post Update Highest Score
Cathy ranks #5 in 5 Ball Arcade
Oscar ranks #5 in 5 Ball Simulation – Post Update Highest Score
Cathy ranks #2 in 90 Second Mode – Post Update Highest Score
Cathy ranks #1 in Time Loop Mode – Undisputed World Champion