Welcome to The Pinball Chick Complete Buyer’s for Pinball FX3’s Williams Pinball Collection. We’re going to keep recreations separate from original tables at The Pinball Chick. This guide will be updated as quickly as possible (about a week or so after each set releases) to add every new Williams pinball table. This guide will NOT include the 1up Arcade Attack from Mars stand-alone 3/4 Scale Tables. That will be reviewed separately. Each judge considers the best version (Single Player Zen or Classic Physics) in their rankings.

Please do not copy or reprint this guide. This was the work of nearly a year and hundreds of hours spent across multiple platforms. Passages may be quoted, but otherwise, please link directly to ThePinballChick.com Pinball FX3 Complete Buyer’s Guide to Williams Pinball page.

Pinball FX 3 Williams Pinball Collection DLC Pack Ratings

All reviews are done by me, Cathy, the Pinball Chick.

NOTE: We didn’t include Indiana Jones among the set rankings, as it’s a stand-alone table. Scroll down for its individual ranking.

#1: Williams Pinball Volume 1

3 Tables for $9.99
Pantheon Inductees: Medieval Madness, The Getaway: High Speed II
BEST TABLE
Cathy: Medieval Madness (#1 of 22)
Oscar: The Getaway: High Speed II (#1 of 22)
Jordi: The Getaway: High Speed II (#3 of 22)
Angela: The Getaway: High Speed II (#4 of 22)
Dave: The Getaway: High Speed II (#3 of 22)

Welp, this is awkward. Since I previously had Getaway listed as “Good” (not even Great), Volume 1 rested in the second spot, behind the Universal Monsters Pack. I’ve since put a lot of time into Getaway and have come to see that I wasn’t just wrong, but not even in the ballpark. My revised rating is Masterpiece, putting it as one of three Pinball FX3 Williams tables in the Pinball Chick Pantheon of Digital Pinball, along with Attack from Mars and Medieval Madness. Speaking of which, it’s here and it’s my #1 ranked table. Weighing the set down is novelty table Junk Yard, which Oscar considers the worst table not named “Champion Pub” in all of Pinball FX3. Neither Jordi nor I hated it that much, or at all. It’s different, but we think it’s neat. Really though, the headline here is “TWO Pantheon tables for $10.” Yep, that’s why this is #1.
SET HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

#2: Williams Pinball Volume 6

3 Tables for $9.99
Certified Excellent: Funhouse, Space Station
BEST TABLE
Cathy: Funhouse (#4 of 22)
Oscar: Space Station (#2 of 22)
Jordi: Funhouse (#5 of 22)
Angela: Funhouse (#3 of 22)
Dave: Space Station (#6 of 22)

The first alpha-numeric table pack, and the first pack from Zen Studios that has a table never before (officially) converted digitally, Williams Pinball 6 statistically has the same scoring average (4.11) as Volume 1. Really, both packs are so good that you can’t go wrong buying either of them if you can only get one set. Me personally? Give me two historically amazing tables versus three simply great tables any day. Historically amazing is much harder to come by, let alone getting two in one $10 pack. Volume 6, meanwhile, has no agreed-upon weak links. I nearly dropped Dr. Dude to “Good”, but nearly isn’t doing. Before we expanded to five score-keepers, this set had run-the-table on being certified excellent, but Angela & Dave dropped the certification of Dr. Dude. Funhouse is worth the price alone, and while I’m not sure you can say that about Space Station or Dr. Dude, the boys might disagree with me. It’s your call whether historically excellent or all-around excellent is your cup of tea. It’s MY site, so #6 has to settle for 2nd place.
SET RECOMMENDED

#3: Universal Monsters Pack

2 Tables for $9.99
Certified Excellent: Monster Bash
BEST TABLE
Cathy: Monster Bash (#2 of 22)
Oscar: Monster Bash (#7 of 22)
Jordi: Monster Bash (#2 of 22)
Angela: Monster Bash (#10 of 22)
Dave: Monster Bash (#1 of 22)

Not having a third “drag” table almost certainly elevates the Universal Monster Pack, but actually, I feel it’s deserving of a top spot regardless. Would *I* put it #1? No. But it does score a 4.0 among us. Given our wide variety of likes and dislikes, it’s saying something that these two tables scored well across the board. The highlight is Monster Bash, George Gomez’s genuinely heartfelt send-off to an entire era of Bally Pinball. Monster Bash is a table that anyone of any skill level can enjoy, perhaps uniquely so among late arcade-era tables. Creature from the Black Lagoon is a decent, unspectacular, somewhat over-rated bonus.. BUT a great table to practice low-angle shots on. In fact, that’s probably the best thing I can say about the Universal Monster Pack: veterans can enjoy it, but it’s a tremendous introductory pack to pinball as well. Come for Monster Bash, and enjoy your complementary Creature.
SET RECOMMENDED

#4: Williams Pinball Volume 2

3 Tables for $9.99
Pantheon Inductee: Attack from Mars
BEST TABLE
Cathy: Attack from Mars (#3 of 22)
Oscar: Attack from Mars (#3 of 22)
Jordi: Attack from Mars (#1 of 22)
Angela: Attack from Mars (#1 of 22)
Dave: Attack from Mars (#4 of 22)

Another pack that split our team. Attack from Mars is an incredible table. In fact, it’s the only table I describe as “perfect” even though I don’t have it ranked #1 (but Jordi does). I just can’t find anything wrong to say about it. The other two tables make for a much more interesting debate. Jordi and I disliked The Party Zone, with me rating it the second worst table. Dad actually liked it, saying that, yea, the game can be limited to two simple, forgiving shots. BUT that you’re rewarded for voyaging away from them to attempt higher risk stuff. Dad also thought Party Zone had educational value, teaching new players the need to nudge to get ahead.

Black Rose fared better. An incredibly tightly-packed table that introduced the Brian Eddy signature “centralized target”, it’s also one of the tables that debuted in Pinball Arcade but wasn’t done justice until Pinball FX3. The better physics makes this table such a joy to play. That is, when the outlanes don’t swallow up your multiballs right off the bat. Overall, this is one of those “buy the masterwork, get the other tables as a bonus” type of deals. How much you like that bonus depends on if you like the absurdly overly-simply Party Zone or the potentially fun but often unfair Black Rose. Anyone should feel perfectly fine with just Attack from Mars.
SET RECOMMENDED

#5: Williams Pinball Volume 5

3 Tables for $9.99
Certifications: None
BEST TABLE
Cathy: No Good Gofers (#10 of 22)
Oscar: Cirqus Voltaire (#13 of 22)
Jordi: Tales of the Arabian Nights (#12 of 22)
Angela: Tales of the Arabian Nights (#10 of 22)
Dave: Tales of the Arabian Nights (#9 of 22)

A solid pack with a variety of tables that lacks a particular “highlight” but has not a sinker in the bunch, either. No Good Gofers isn’t much to look at, but the variety of shots and frantic modes make it a lot of fun, even for the Lawlor haters among us (ahem, Daddy). Cirqus Voltaire makes its digital pinball debut in a non-busted way (the Pinball Arcade version saw the ball skip rails) and can be fun when it’s not a grinding, frustrating slog. Finally, Arabian Nights is just a perfectly decent table that’s main complaint is unbalanced scoring. Volume 5’s main weakness is having two John Popadiuk tables and one Pat Lawlor table, meaning there’s nothing really here for the more conservative pinball fan. Or not. The fact that our three original judges (myself, Oscar, and Jordi) all picked a different table for best-in-set really speaks volumes to the sheer variety offered in Volume 5.
SET RECOMMENDED

#6: Williams Pinball Volume 4

3 Tables for $9.99
Certified Excellent: Red & Ted’s Road Show
BEST TABLE
Cathy: Red & Ted’s Roadshow (#9 of 22)
Oscar: White Water (#6 of 22)
Jordi: Red & Ted’s Roadshow (#9 of 22)
Angela: Red & Ted’s Roadshow (#2 of 22)
Dave: White Water (#7 of 22)

With Volume 4, we welcome you to the more polarizing sets from Zen Studios. Williams Pinball Volume 4 barely squeaked by with a 3.0 or “GOOD” average. This mostly owes to controversial White Water, which both Jordi and I rated BAD while my father, Oscar, went with GREAT. It’s on the top ten list for the Internet Pinball Database (then again, so is Tales of the Arabian Nights and Scared Stiff, neither of which are worthy of top ten all-time status). White Water’s issue is it’s one of the most prohibitively difficult tables ever made. One feature I wish Zen Studios had was the ability to access the “coin door” to mess with the features so my Dad and I could duel under our silly “Galactic Rules” (ten balls + ten potential extra balls + all hurry-ups and modes set to extra easy). Without that, all we have is a table that feels like it’d have a lot of potential if it had less bouncy slingshots, less hungry outlanes, and wasn’t so damn crowded. Roadshow’s sheer girth as the only SuperPin converted to digital by Zen Studios is a marvel, but the complicated rules might turn off many players. Hurricane actually has legitimate value as a table to practice shots on, but it’s also a bit of a slog. Nothing outright offends, and your mileage may vary on White Water. Volume 4 is worth getting but not as a priority.
SET RECOMMENDED

#7 Williams Pinball Volume 3

3 Tables for $9.99
Certified Excellent: Theatre of Magic
Certified Turds: Safe Cracker, The Champion Pub
BEST TABLE
Cathy: Theatre of Magic (#5 of 22)
Oscar: Safe Cracker (#19 of 22)
Jordi: Theatre of Magic (#10 of 22)
Angela: Theatre of Magic (#7 of 22)
Dave: Theatre of Magic (#2 of 22)

Speaking of polarizing: before we moved to a five-person panel, Williams Volume 3 was the only set that didn’t have a recommendation. Once we expanded to five, it saved Theatre’s status and rescued the whole set from the trash bin. As an individual, I think Theatre of Magic is terrific and rated it a “Masterpiece.” That sentiment was not shared by the original team. Jordi rated it “great” while Dad, not a fan of the works of John Popadiuk, considers it his worst table and awarded it BAD based on its lack of balance. Then, Dave and Angela joined in and bumped its score up, with Dave putting it #2 overall. Of course, Volume 3 also has all of our picks for worst Williams table in Pinball FX3. For the original three, that’s Champion Pub. For the “terrible twosome” of Angela & Dave, it’s Safe Cracker. Having two Certified Turds in one set sounds disastrous, so whether or not you should want Volume 3 comes down to how much you want Theatre of Magic. Do you REALLY want it? Get the set. Barely interested? Then skip it, or at least wait for a discount.
SET BARELY RECOMMENDED

TABLE REVIEWS & RANKINGS

USING THIS GUIDE

Table Types are the style of table featured. Click here to learn about Table Types.
The Pinball Chick Team Rankings are determined by averaging out all five scorekeeper’s ratings.

CERTIFICATIONS: The Pinball Chick team of myself, my father (Oscar), Jordi, Angela, and Dave all put significant time into each table before deciding our ratings, and then double-check and triple-check our notes to be extra sure. Once we’ve decided our ranking for each table, the table can be “certified” into one of three categories, or one other special distinction.

• Certified Excellent: When the average rating of the table, minus the lowest score of the five, is “great” or better, the table is certified excellent. These are must-own tables.
• Certified Turd: When average score of the table, minus the highest score, is worse than “bad”. the table is certified a turd. These are the tables not worth going out of your way to play.
• The Pinball Chick Pantheon of Digital Pinball: A table that receives four “masterpiece” votes enters the Pinball Chick Pantheon of Digital Pinball. Only the best of the best will be found here.
• Clean Scorecard: A table not quite good enough to be Certified Excellent, but in which all five judges are unanimously in agreement the table is worthy of a positive rating. Given how radically different the five of us are, a clean scorecard is very rare, and any table that wins it is all but guaranteed to be enjoyable by any type of pinball fan.

CLUBS: Any table whose real-life counterpart sold 6,000 units receives “Club Status” from The Pinball Chick. It means that the average video arcade in America, at the time of the table’s release, was likely to have at least one of that table installed. Being in the 6K Club denotes an incredible sales achievement. From there, every additional thousand units sold raises the table into the next highest Club. The highest Club Status is the 12K Club, which means the table was all but guaranteed to be installed in every arcade in America PLUS was relatively commonly spotted outside arcades as part of vending routes. Only 23 pinball tables sold 12,000 or more units, plus one “honorary” table (El Dorado) verified to have enough official clones of its playfield to clear 12,000 total units. As of Volume 6, Pinball FX 3 has recreated two members of the 12K Club: Fish Tales and The Getaway: High Speed II.

Special thanks to Steve Da Silva for his guides, which were very helpful. I’ve linked to them all.

Tables are ranked in Cathy’s order, because she’s THE Pinball Chick.

THE PITS

#22: The Champion Pub

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 3
Play Type: Pick ‘n Flick
Ranked #21 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
THE PINBALL CHICK CERTIFIED TURD💩
TABLE FACTS
1998 by Midway Manufacturing, 1,396 Units Sold
Based on a concept by Pete Piotrowski
Art by Paul Barker & Linda “Deal” Doane
Music & Sound by Rich Carle
TRIVIA
-Along with Cactus Canyon, one of two tables that had its production cycle halted by Midway as they transitioned to the Pinball 2000 system.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: The Pits (#22 of 22)
Jordi: The Pits (#22 of 22)
Angela: Bad (#19 of 22)
Dave: Good (#16 of 22)
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Strategy Guide
PinStratsDan’s Achievement Video

Sometimes you hear the concept of a game or a pinball table and you say to yourself “gee, that sounds amazing! I can’t wait to try it!” And then you actually play it, and you realize that what sounded amazing to you (and those who made it) could never actually work when done for reals. The Champion Pub is probably the best pinball example of it.

The Champion Pub has one of the most bizarre development cycles in pinball history. It has no lead designer, and the primary concept came from an engineer by the name of Pete Piotrowski. Piotro Pete was awarded several patents still in use in pinball today, but he wasn’t a game designer by any means. So the people of Williams came together to bring this idea of his to life. The result is one of the worst tables I’ve ever played, and one of the most notorious for breaking down. You don’t have to worry about that in the digital version, though there is a prominent dead zone smack dab in the middle of the table where marooning balls is a common hazard. In real life, you’d have to call an attendant to un-stick the ball, or accept a TILT in order to shake the ball loose. In Pinball FX3, the ball magically teleports to the chute to be auto-launched back onto the field. That’s nice, I guess.

Pub is such a bad table. The layout is garbage. The fighting concept is extremely poor in execution. I landed head-shots that counted as body shots so many times that the boxing gimmick fails completely. This is also extremely unstable in Pinball FX 3. More than once, the game credited me with starting a multiball despite not having done so, giving me XP for doing so and even leveling-up the multiball boost. This happened once *after* I’d already gamed over and was entering my initials. Like the real table, there’s a gap that allows you to land live balls back into the starting chute, and this seems to trigger the multiball glitch. Since you can use a boost that gives you extra points while in multiball, it’s never clear if you’re scoring based on what’s really happening or what the engine THINKS is happening. Sometimes the camera wouldn’t do a close-up of the jump-rope or speed-bag minigames, and other times it would. It was never consistent.

I feel horrible about this because Champion Pub has fans out there, and having a digital version of a rare table that’s hard to find in working condition (and would breakdown if you got it anyway) sounds like it should be awesome. In theory, this version should be better than a real table. All the fun of the original without any of the mechanical failure bullcrap. But the digital table is every bit as unstable and broken as a real Champion Pub machine. It’s the worst of the Williams tables, easily.

#21 The Party Zone

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 2
Play Type: Pick ‘n Flick
Ranked #20 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1991 by Midway Manufacturing, 3,862 Units Sold
Designed by Dennis Nordman
Art by Greg Freres & Jerry Pinsler
Music & Sound by Dan “TOASTY!” Forden
ALTERATIONS
-Licensed music has been removed.
TRIVIA
-Characters and references from previous tables Party Animals, Elvira & the Party Monsters, and Dr. Dude and his Excellent Ray are all present.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Good (#16 of 22)
Jordi: Bad (#19 of 22)
Angela: Good (#13 of 22)
Dave: Bad (#20 of 22)
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Strategy Guide
PinStartsDan’s Achievement Video

Dennis Nordman is NOT my favorite designer, but he’s actually made some truly inspired works. Party Zone isn’t among those. In fact, Party Zone is the weakest Nordman you can get in Pinball FX3. The problem is you’re not truly incentivized to be bold or daring while playing it. Games of Party Zone can really come down to repeating two shots until the cows come home. One of those two shots is INCREDIBLY forgiving, to the point that you almost forget that there’s a completely unfair toy smack-dab in the center of the table that has a good chance of insta-killing your ball.

I’m sorry, but I’m of the belief that if you lock the ball on a target designed to score points and the lock throws the ball down a drain or outlane, that’s straight-up robbery. These were designed to cost $0.50 a play, after all. If you’re going to cheat players out of their balls, Nordman might as well of dressed-up like the Hamburglar and beat up school children for their lunch money with crap like that. And what’s actually here isn’t really that good. There are targets in the upper corners that are actually fairly easy to hit, especially the right one which triggers most of the modes of the game. In fact, the “comedian” shot has one of the most forgiving margins for error in DMD pinball. Really, Party Zone’s biggest crime is that it’s a lumberjack table. You can try higher risk shots, but the wood-chopping ones pay off enough that world records could be set just by repeating the same shots over and over and over and over and you get my point.

THE BAD

#20: White Water
Member of the 7K Club

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 4
Game Type: Kinetic
Ranked #11 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1993 by Williams Electronic Games, 7,008 Units Sold
Designed by Dennis Nordman
Art by John Youssi
Music & Sound by Chris Granner
TRIVIA
-The Bigfoot is modeled after designer Dennis Nordman’s appearance.
-The truck seen on the backglass was based on Nordman’s 1952 Dodge.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Great (#6 of 22)
Jordi: Bad (#18 of 22)
Angela: Great (#9 of 22)
Dave: Great (#7 of 22)
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Strategy Guide
PinStratsDan’s Achievement Video

This is the one that gets Jordi and me blown-up like Robert De Niro in the beginning of Casino.

There’s two types of pinball tables: operator’s tables and player’s tables. White Water is an operator’s table. It’s designed to look pretty, lure in players, make money, and then kick players to pay up for more or let the next idiot pony-up. I consider myself a reasonably skilled player and even after putting a few hours into White Water alone, I still frequently had games that lasted under a minute. For all three balls. There’s no ball save unless you literally score no points. The left outlane is one of the most hungry I’ve ever seen. The orbits are narrow and too steep. In the normal Pinball FX 3 mode, most shots done towards an orbit will result in a straight-down-the-middle instakill if it’s anything but a full-strength hit. This is the one Williams table where I actually preferred Classic mode more. The physics aren’t as punishing. Plus, I’ll give credit where it’s due: the scoring is relatively balanced. Assuming you can, you know, actually keep the ball alive for thirty seconds.

And the crap thing is, this SEEMS like it should be a fun idea. White Water rafting! Wavy ramps! Whirlpools! Robin Williams.. oh wait, that’s bigfoot. Bigfoot!! But, like The Party Zone, White Water is designed to look great but game over quickly. Dennis Nordman must have been an all-star with arcade owners for as often as he cranked out brutal but irresistible tables. It was suggested to me that you had to use the nudge on this table more than any other, but I *was* nudging and it didn’t matter for drain-shots. The problem is, Pinball FX3 has relatively weak nudging. Sure, it’s powerful enough to save from the outlanes. But there’s also a limit for how many times you can use that. Plus, many times I’d start a multiball only to have the VUK feed an unplayable house ball straight down the drain. White Water not having ball save is a crime against humanity. After a certain point, you just have to concede that a table isn’t fun, was never supposed to be fun, and move along. White Water should never have been ported to Pinball FX 3. It’s a table designed to cheat players out of quarters, and nothing more. Easily the most over-rated machine of the solid-state era.

#19: Safe Cracker

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 3
Game Type: Kinetic
Ranked #22 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
THE PINBALL CHICK CERTIFIED TURD💩
TABLE FACTS
1996 by Midway Manufacturing, 1,148 Units Sold
Designed by Pat Lawlor
Art by John Youssi
Music & Sound by Dan “TOASTY!” Forden
TRIVIA
-Safe Cracker was developed under the assumption it would be based on the board game Monopoly.
-Designer Pat Lawlor later did do a Monopoly-themed table for Stern in 2001.
-The only “small body” table done by Williams/Bally in the solid state era.
-Despite the flyer advertising 10 unique “Magic Tokens”, twenty different ones were made.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Bad (#19 of 22)
Jordi: The Pits (#21 of 22)
Angela: The Pits (#22 of 22)
Dave: The Pits (#22 of 22)
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Strategy Guide

Safe Cracker has its fans because it’s just so weird, but I really was just bored silly by this table. And that’s heart-breaking for me because Pat Lawlor is my all-time favorite designer. But, not every idea is a home run. Clearly Safe Cracker wasn’t, as operators weren’t inclined to order it. At 1,148 units, it’s his lowest-selling table (at least from his Bally era). In part because the table is significantly shorter than other tables, which makes it look kind of dumb when displayed near other tables. The other reason is because it runs on a timer instead of having three balls. Safe Cracker is a anomaly among pins. As one reader of mine put it, a niche of a niche. Combining pinball with a board game.. a very slow, very basic board game.. the primary draw to players was the idea that you’d win real collectible coins by playing well. Of course, that novelty is lost in a digital translation.

All that remains is a basic, bland, overly crowded table with nubby electro-mechanical era flippers. Safe Cracker feels like one of those higher-end toy pinball tables you spend $200 for at Christmas.. nowhere near arcade quality, but kids are dumb and won’t realize it.. then you watch in horror as your kids play a couple rounds, then never touch again. I’m not even exaggerating. It feels like a toy pinball table. The point of the table is really to move the action to the backglass, where the board game takes place. You roll dice, move spaces, and if you can make it to the center of the board, you win a real life coin. Only you don’t here. An animation of a fake digital coin falls and that’s it.

I could totally get why this table would be so memorable to arcade-goers from the 90s. Not a lot of games rewarded you with actual, corporeal keepsakes you got to take home with you. The only possible reason to want to play Safe Cracker can’t translate to a digital recreation. So, like, why bother? This table sucks without it.

THE GOOD

#18: Hurricane

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 4
Game Type: Pick ‘n Flick
Ranked #19 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1991 by Williams Electronic Games, 4,400 Units Sold
Designed by Barry Oursler
Art by John Youssi & Python Anghelo
Music & Sound by Paul Heitsch
TRIVIA
-The concept of a ball being transported via a basket contained in a reel (as seen in Hurricane and prequel Cyclone’s Ferris Wheel) dates back to 1935’s Barrel Roll. It works functionally the same here as it did 85 years ago.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Good (#12 of 22)
Jordi: Bad (#20 of 22)
Angela: Good (#16 of 22)
Dave: Bad (#19 of 22)
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Strategy Guide
PinStratsDan’s Achievement Video

The finale of Oursler’s Roller Coaster Trilogy (following 1985’s Comet and 1988’s Cyclone) and, in my opinion, the weakest of the three. Hurricane is a good table, but in Pinball FX 3, it’s not a great one. Many Pinball FX 3 tables feel like the slope is too steep or the gravity is too strong in the standard mode with the specialized PBFX3 physics. That stood out so much more in Hurricane than any other table. I own a real Hurricane table. It’s not even remotely this hard to get the balls up the ramps or clearing orbits. I’d made flush hits that should have easily had sufficient enough force to climb the front ramp, only to see the ball stop just short of the top and come back at me. But, here’s the weird thing: EVERY ramp had this “YOU ALMOST HAD IT” phenomena going for it. Accessing the Ferris Wheel? YOU ALMOST HAD IT! Accessing the Hurricane roller coaster? YOU ALMOST HAD IT! Accessing the Juggler? YOU ALMOST HAD IT! It got to the point where only trapped tee-shots could ever hope to get the correct force needed. It didn’t feel on the up-and-up. Yea, this isn’t present in Classic mode, but (1) the physics are TOO rubbery-bouncy in any table’s Classic mode for my tastes and (2) you don’t get XP, boosts, or super powers in Classic.

And, while we’re on the subject, you can’t post any high scores online playing in multiplayer. And that’s a damn shame because it means my Father (known here as Oscar) and myself are both global-leaderboard contenders, so we can’t duel each-other traditionally. Instead, we have to watch each-other play a full game. There’s really no reason to not have that. Heck, make a Hot Seat leaderboard if you have to.

Anyway, it speaks to the potential quality of Hurricane that, even with YOU ALMOST HAD IT syndrome, the table is a lot of fun. Heavy on toys and gimmicks but with a layout optimized for casual fun. Professional pinballers (yes, they exist) hate Hurricane because you can easily “chop wood” (repeat simple shots and grind up points) and draw out matches. Also, Hurricane is easily the table that you’ll want to use the Skillshot boost on the most. You can post a top 500 global score just by having it, the Score boost, and hitting the skill shot all three balls. It worked for me.

#17 Creature from the Black Lagoon
Member of the 7K Club

Featured in Williams Pinball Universal Monsters Pack
Game Type: Kinetic
Ranked #16 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1992 by Midway Manufacturing, 7,841 Units Sold
Designed by John Trudeau
Art by Kevin O’Connor
Music & Sound by Paul Heitsch
TRIVIA
-The concept for basing the table on Universal’s Creature from the Black Lagoon was chosen after the decision was made to incorporate a hologram.
ALTERATIONS
-Mortal Kombat characters have been removed from the Pinball FX3 version.
-Licensed music has been removed.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Great (#11 of 22)
Jordi: Good (#13 of 22)
Angela: Bad (#18 of 22)
Dave: Bad (#18 of 22)
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Strategy Guide
PinStratsDan’s Achievement Video

Combine one of the most clever themes with one of the most maddening layouts ever and you get Creature from the Black Lagoon. Designed by John “Horrible Human Being” Trudeau, my main problem is the right lane is blocked by a “transparent” whirlpool that’s isn’t actually transparent. I play the game muted and thus get no cues on when balls are being VUKed to the right flipper, so I’m kinda screwed by this choice. And what am I being screwed by? A feature that’s barely used. In dozens upon dozens of rounds, I only once was able to get into the whirlpool. Granted, doing so paid off huge and single-handedly gave me table mastery status and (at the time) a top 100 global score, but still, it’s a high visual price for a relatively barren feature.

You get there via a two-ball multiball that has no ball save attached to it. Activating multiball was no problem for me. But, the mode would pretty much end in under three seconds every single time I did so, with the very first ball taking a trip down an outlane no matter how I hit it. Creature has too many brickable shots to keep up with such an unforgiving setup. You CAN restart multiball once but that requires hitting the snack bar within a limited time. Damnit, I don’t want to get mad at this table. It sure seems like it should be tons of fun. But the drain is so huge it could be legally be described as a canal, the outlanes are too hungry, and Creature just plain frustrates too much. Good table, over-rated, next.

#16: Black Rose

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 2
Game Type: Finesse
Ranked #15 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1992 by Midway Manufacturing, 3,746 Units Sold
Designed by John Trudeau & Brian Eddy
Art by Pat McMahon
Music & Sound by Paul Heitsch
TRIVIA
-Prototypes used black pinballs, but this idea was abandoned due to visibility issues.
-Artist Pat McMahon created X-rated backglass art for less prudish European markets, but the art was never used.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Good (#14 of 22)
Jordi: Great (#6 of 22)
Angela: Bad (#20 of 22)
Dave: Great (#11 of 22)
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Guide
PinStratsDan’s Achievement Video

Yep, this is a John Trudeau table. Yes, the man is a disgusting creeper. Developed alongside Creature from the Black Lagoon, Black Rose has all the hallmarks of a Trudeau design: maddening mulitballs that are designed to drain out before you get a chance to play them. A wide drain. Starving outlanes. But, Brian Eddy (Attack from Mars, Medieval Madness) co-designed it, and his design signature (a prominent central target) is along for the ride. Like the Darth Vader table in Star Wars Pinball, Black Rose is really notable for being a valley-style table, with an empty center for a playfield that runs the length of the board, with the primary target against the back wall and all other targets off to the sides.

And that primary shot is absolutely maddening. It’s crowded, but in one of those logical pinball-type of ways. Hitting the target spoon-feeds the right flipper the ball (just hold it for a trap and you’ll be delivered the ball safely every time). But, the wide drain and sharp angles makes nearly every other target super high risk. Actually, I kind of love it, but I don’t think it loves me back. Combine it with one of the most impossible video modes I’ve seen (walking the plank, which requires you to pump the action button, which nobody in my house could successfully pull off) and a cannon that, I swear, misses manage to drain out every time. Plus, there’s absolutely no semblance of risk/reward balance. Easy shots pay off huge. Difficult shots aren’t worth anywhere near as much as they should be. Black Rose has a fun swashbuckling theme, but I can’t help but wonder if this table would had instead been a 1995 – 1998 Brian Eddy design that had the same fine-tuned scoring balance his other works had.

#15: Tales of the Arabian Nights

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 5
Game Type: Finesse
Ranked #13 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1996 by Williams Electronic Games, 3,128 Units Sold
Designed by John Popadiuk
Art by Pat McMahon
Music & Sound by Dave Zabriskie
TRIVIA
-Tales of the Arabian Nights is the first pinball table with a vertical magnetic diverter, which is used for the Genie shot.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Good (#18 of 22)
Jordi: Good (#12 of 22)
Angela: Great (#10 of 22)
Dave: Great (#9 of 21)
CLEAN SCORECARD
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Strategy Guide
PinStartsDan’s Achievement Video

Much like John Popadiuk’s soccer-themed nightmare World Cup, Tales of the Arabian Nights shirks the idea of calculated risk entirely. Both primary targets of the table are high-risk shots that spoon-feed the drain and necessitate quick tilting reflexes to truly master. Frankly, I never could get the hang of tilting. As a result, I probably said either “are you kidding me?” or simply moaned in agony dozens of times while playing Arabian Nights. It’s just too damn hard a table to truly be great. That you can’t even shoot main targets without risking the ball draining out can cause great rounds to end suddenly and very, very painfully. Arabian Nights is probably the most difficult good table of all the Pinball FX3 William recreations. That difficulty is not tempered with reasonable scoring balance. Don’t get me wrong: it’s fun to get tons of spins of the lamp, which can end up racking up massive points. The problem is you really can just chop wood by shooting at the lamp if you can charge its value up enough. The bumpers, ramps, and other shots don’t pay off enough. Tales has horrible scoring balance issues. Not as bad as Theatre of Magic, but then again, it’s not as fun either.

And, frankly, I think it needs a little more time to cook. On a real Arabian Nights table, the magnetic field in front of the genie really shouldn’t lead to an instakill drain-out on players. In the Pinball FX3 version, you have about a 10% chance of a houseball when activating any mode. That number seems to increase when you begin multiball, as over half the time, at least one of the three balls (usually the first one) was unplayable upon being served. That’s especially damning on a table with an already extremely hungry drain and no ball-save for multiball. Arabian Nights also features some tight squeezes among its very cluttered layout. Shots based around using the lower portion of the flippers are among the most difficult shots of the solid-state era. And, again, they don’t really pay off enough to justify it. Arabian Nights is a legendary table, and while it still can be fun (and potentially more fun if the magnetic stuff is stabilized), the prohibitive difficulty muffles the enjoyment. Sometimes legends don’t live up to their reputation. Tales of the Arabian Nights is that type of legend.

#14: Junk Yard

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 1
Type: Pick ‘n Flick
Ranked #18 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1996 by Williams Electronic Games, 3,013 Units Sold
Designed by Barry Oursler & Dwight Sullivan
Art by Paul Barker, Pat McMahon, & Linda “Deal” Doane
Music & Sound by Kurt Goebel
TRIVIA
-Junk Yard is the final table of Barry Oursler’s career.
-Contains modes from other Williams/Bally tables Creature from the Black Lagoon, Attack from Mars, Addams Family, and Terminator 2.
-References other tables such as Earthshaker, Dr. Dude, Safe Cracker, Who Dunnit, and The Getaway: High Speed II.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: The Pits (#21 of 22)
Jordi: Good (#15 of 22)
Angela: Good (#15 of 22)
Dave: Bad  (#17 of 22)
STRATEGY LINKS
Link to Guide
PinStratsDan’s Achievement Video

Junk Yard is based mostly around a single gimmick: a second ball that’s suspended by a chain that you whack to hit other targets. At first, a person might think the wrecking ball is all Junk Yard has going for it. And yeah, this is a pretty limited table. There’s no secondary flippers. It doesn’t have orbits to shoot combos. It doesn’t even have bumpers. From what I can gather, it’s one of the least popular tables among professional players, where matches end up slogging and players resort to chopping wood (shooting low-risk targets to grind up scores). Skill shot, extra ball, and Time Machine mode are all shared by a single, easy-to-hit target. It sort of has to, since the rear of the table needs enough room to make the wrecking ball gimmick work. This table shouldn’t be good.

But, I like it. In a guilty pleasure sort of way. Easy to get multiball, easy to get jackpots and super jackpots. A few video modes. A few roulettes. Even the backglass comes into play with random chance prizes that don’t totally destroy the balance. Is Junk Yard a finesse table? No. But it wasn’t meant to be one. This is a rare pinball table from the era where it feels like they knew the end was near and decided to just make the most wild designs imaginable because they might not get another chance to. As the finale to Barry Oursler’s esteemed career, he could have done worse. Well, unless you’re my father. Oscar absolutely hates this table. “Junk Yard is so bad that you have to believe Champion Pub could only be worse if it was trying to be, deliberately.” Ouch.

THE GREAT

#13: Dr. Dude and His Excellent Ray

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 6
Type: Sharpshooter-Kinetic
Ranked #12 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1990 by Midway Manufacturing, 3,983 Units Sold
Designed by Dennis Nordman
Art by Greg Freres
Music by Chris Granner
TRIVIA
-Dr. Dude is the first table to offer a “family setting” in the operator’s mode specifically to tone down the language and themes.
-Dr. Dude is rumored to have started life as a laboratory-themed sequel to Elvira & the Party Monsters, but it was felt it was too soon to release a sequel to table that would then compete against a table still being sold.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Great (#8 of 22)
Jordi: Great (#7 of 21)
Angela: Bad (#21 of 22)
Dave: Good (#12 of 22)

God, this one hurts.. in more ways than one. I rated Dr. Dude “Masterpiece” for Pinball Arcade, one of the true surprises in the 100 table collection. In fact, Dr. Dude finished #11 out of 100 there. Here, it’s #12 of 21 as of this writing. Why the drop? Well, because the central channel in this valley-style table is, for lack of a better term, evil. Hmmm.. actually, maybe genocidal is a better term. You absolutely HAVE to shoot at both the R-E-F-L-E-X lights AND the “I” Exam, but any and all of those have a huge chance of the ball going limp and falling straight-down the drain. These shots go beyond merely high-risk. Without a proper defense nudge (which Pinball Arcade has and Pinball FX3 lacks), these shots are downright suicide missions. Ones you, again, MUST DO in order to play Dr. Dude well.

Dr. Dude is still really fun, because there’s nothing quite like it. It’s a Sharpshooter on the basis that precision is rewarded above all, but the speedy, bouncy balls also make it flow like a Kinetic (you can’t even trap balls fed off VUKs) while allowing enough flexibility in strategy to feel like a Finesse table. It’s so weird, but kind of brilliant. The scoring system is unique and, yeah, you can chop wood. That is, if you want to chop the most dangerous, high-risk wood in pinball. Sure, go for it. What keeps it from masterpiece status for the whole team is the lack of defensive options and the tendency of multiballs to clear each-other out instantly. Dr. Dude and his Excellent Ray is excellent, but it should be historically so, and instead it’s merely exceptionally so.

#12: Cirqus Voltaire

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 5
Type: Finesse
Ranked #14 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1997 by Williams Electronic Games, 2,704 Units Sold
Designed by John Popadiuk & Cameron Silver
Art by Linda “Deal” Doane
Music & Sound by Rob Berry & Dave Zabriskie
TRIVIA
-Cirqus Voltaire had the highest production budget of any standard Williams/Bally table, in part because mechanisms used in it were being tested for the Pinball 2000 initiative.
-The only Williams/Bally table to have the Dot Matrix Display inside the cabinet, and only the second table overall (Capcom’s Flipper Football was first in 1996).
-Cirqus Voltaire is the first solid state table with a disappearing pop bumper, though this feature existed as far back as 1958 with Williams’ Gusher.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Good (#13 of 22)
Jordi: Good (#14 of 22)
Angela: Good (#12 of 22)
Dave: Good (#14 of 22)
CLEAN SCORECARD
Link to Strategy Guide

When you play the work of John Popadiuk, you could totally understand why silverball enthusiasts would give him money to make a limited edition table.. and then be crushed it didn’t live up to their expectations (and what they got wasn’t remotely close to finished) because it turns out it’s hard to build and release tables when you don’t have a big ass company like Midway actually supplying materials and facilities for it and a continuing paycheck depends on you actually finishing your work. I get it. Dude made some amazing tables when he worked for Midway, parent of Williams/Bally. Theatre of Magic, World Cup Soccer, Tales from Arabian Nights. All ambitious, and often wonderful pins. He even got tapped to do one of the holographic tables in the Pinball 2000 line: Star Wars Episode One. A case could be made that it was him, and not Pat Lawlor (or Brian Eddy, though I think he’s out of the running by virtue of only having three tables), who was the greatest pinball craftsman at the end of the arcade era of pinball.

Personally, I prefer the white-knuckle challenge of Lawlor’s work or the sheer elegance of Eddy’s catalog to the kooky mad scientist vibe I get from Popadiuk. But, gun to head, if I had to convince a non-pinhead that there’s more to pinball than meets the eye, I’d probably use Popa’s work first. And with Cirqus Voltaire, you can totally see (1) why he’s so cherished and (2) why Williams cratered around this time. Adjusted for inflation, Cirqus Voltaire is the most expensive traditional pinball table designed to be routed (earn quarters) ever made. But, like so many post-Addams Family tables, it was prone to breaking down, and OUT OF ORDER signs earn no money. I’ve encountered exactly two Cirqus Voltaire machines in the wilds of the San Francisco Bay Area in my lifetime. Both were unplugged and wearing such signs.

That’s why you have to love Pinball FX3, and really the entire digital conversion revolution as a whole. While Cirqus Volatire is THE dream table many fans of silverball would love to own for real in their homes, it’s also a massive investment. In near-mint condition, CV will run you over $10,000, and if you lack engineering skills, you’ll be spending even more due to issues with the Ringmaster toy breaking down. Which it will. I imagine many a pinball dream has turned into a nightmare with a Cirqus Voltaire investment. It’s why owning Pinball FX3 makes sense to even the most starry-eyed would be pinball owner. 98.5% of the fun, only that missing 1.5% means you won’t ever spend hours giving a deep cleaning and waxing to a table, nor will you start banging your head on the glass when an inevitable mechanical failure happens.

Speaking of which, like many late Williams tables, Cirqus is based around a primary toy target. In this case a green Ringmaster that, I swear to God, looks just like Flabber from Big Bad Beetleborgs. If you use the enhanced visuals, you’ll have the theme song to the song stuck in your head. Unlike Attack from Mars or Medieval Madness, the Ringmaster is off-center with a short orbit behind it. In theory, it should make for a faster-running experience. Instead, the opposite is true: Cirqus Voltaire is actually a slow, deliberate table based around simple angles and lots of multiball modes. And, it’s fun. There’s some weirdness I don’t get. The large ball on the left of the table feels gimmicky and just clutters an otherwise immaculate playfield. Of all Popa’s work, this one feels the least wacky and most simple. Like the rest of his resume, there’s also scoring balance issues that are further compounded by Pinball FX3’s boosts. But, really great table. One of the better recreations in Pinball FX3.

#11: Fish Tales
Member of the 12K Club

Free to Download with the Pinball FX3 Launcher
Type: Finesse
Ranked #10 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1992 by Williams Electronic Games, 13,640 Units Sold
17th Highest-Selling Solid State Table
Designed by Mark Ritchie
From a concept by Python Anghelo & Pat McMahon
Art by Pat McMahon
Music & Sound by Chris Granner
TRIVIA
-One of four tables (along with Bram Stoker’s Dracula, Popeye Saves the Earth, and Doctor Who) with “Lightning Flippers”, 1/8 inch smaller flippers.
-Fish Tales is the highest selling table converted to digital by Zen Studios so far.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Good (#10 of 22)
Jordi: Good (#11 of 22)
Angela: Masterpiece (#6 of 22)
Dave: Good (#15 of 22)
CLEAN SCORECARD
Link to Guide

Designed by Mark Ritchie (kid brother of the legendary Steve Ritchie, designer of Getaway: High Speed II), Fish Tales is free for everyone as the sample Williams recreation table for Pinball FX3. Probably a good choice for it, too. It’s one of the best selling pins ever, at over 13,000 units made. I joked that Fish Tales was required to be installed in every tavern as part of their certification. I can’t imagine children of the early 90s would be interested in a fishing pinball game. Then again, one of my favorite launch-window Dreamcast games was Sega Bass Fishing. And I did basically use Animal Crossing as a fishing game..

Okay, point taken.

What strikes me most about Fish Tales is how simple it is. Clean layout. There’s no supplemental flippers. There’s no skill-shot with the auto launcher. There’s no complex step-by-step objectives. The targets are simple, the ramps and orbits have clear, easy shots. Maybe too easy in the case of the ball lock. It got to the point that I could very easily shoot three consecutive shots into it without breaking a sweat. Not that the rest of the table is easy. In fact, I died as a result of the multiballs that lock triggers. Still, Fish Tales feels like a table that brings the best qualities of the early 80s through the early 90s without any of the confusing, overly elaborate excesses.

The result is a pretty dang good game. And, like most other Pinball FX3 recreations, this is a solid port job. The biggest flaw in Fish Tales is that Mark Ritchie designed the table to use standard flippers, but the machine shipped with the infamous “lightning flippers” that are very slightly smaller than normal flippers. This was done at the request of UK operators who were pissed that players lasted three minutes at a table instead of under two. Many owners of real Fish Tales tables change over to standard sized flippers, since that was Ritchie’s intent and all the angles were based around them. But, Pinball FX3 offers no such option, and uses the Lightning Flippers despite them being a last second addition to the game to cave in to the demands of bitchy arcade owners. Do the right thing, Zen: give us normal flippers.

#10: No Good Gofers

Featured in Williams Pinball FX3 Volume 5
Type: Finesse-Kinetic
Ranked #17 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
TABLE FACTS
1997 by Williams Electronic Games, 2,711 Units Sold
Designed by Pat Lawlor & Louis Koziarz
Art by John Youssi
Music & Sound by Vince Pontarelli
TRIVIA
-Rumors persist that a prototype that featured a gopher popping out of the center of the playfield existed, but no tangible evidence for it has ever been found. The whitewood (undecorated prototype) lacks this feature, and no function for the gopher exists in the scoring code. However, it is insisted by insiders that fifteen prototypes with a third gopher exist.
-The Hole-in-One is the highest open-ramp shot in pinball.
-Pat Lawlor’s final table for Williams/Bally.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Good (#17 of 22)
Jordi: Good (#17 of 22)
Angela: Good (#14 of 22)
Dave: Bad (#21 of 22)
Link to Strategy Guide

Pat Lawlor’s work isn’t exactly known for being newcomer friendly. No Good Gofers, his final table of the arcade era of pinball, is one of his more difficult tables, but also feels like his least inspired work as well. The whole situation is bizarre, because both Gottlieb and Williams made extremely similar tables based on golf that had gophers because they were trying to stoke a Candyshack vibe. No Good Gofers came out four years after Gottlieb’s Tee’d Off and is clearly the better table in every single way. But still, I get a strange “this isn’t really what I want to be doing” vibe from Gofers. Lawlor was coming off Safecracker, which had been designed to be based on the board game Monopoly until Williams dropped the license and he had to switch the theme around at the last second. I always got the feeling Gofers was a rebound table, like he was coming off the disappointment of Safecracker being unpopular with operators and not resembling his original Monopoly vision and his heart wasn’t into it. Plus, there’s been a persistent rumor (completely unverified) that Gofers originally had a large, animatronic gopher toy in the center that was vetoed halfway through development as a cost-cutting measure. If true, that means he dealt with two straight tables that got the screws put to them by Williams.

Whether it’s true or not, No Good Gofers is still a really fun table. Maddening, like any Lawlor pin tends to be, but fun nonetheless. It’s probably one of his faster tables, as evidenced by a VUK throwing the ball at the flippers like a baseball pitcher. But, the absurdity that a golf-based table would play very fast actually works. Even better, the difficulty is tempered with a lot of safeguards to assure fairness. Gofers has one of the more generous kickbacks of the late Williams era and frequent ball save activation. It’s a hard table that goes out of its way to be enjoyable, which is, frankly, the hallmark of Lawlor’s body of work. Well, that and modes. Lots and lots of modes. Do you know what the problem is when you make extremely mode-heavy tables? All but a small handful of them tend to make you wish you were playing the more scoring-heavy ones. It throws an otherwise balanced table’s scoring out of whack. This is further compounded by Pinball FX3’s scoring and mulitball boosts. It’s also one of his least pretty tables, in terms of layout and placement. Gofers is a lot of fun, but it also feels slightly phoned in and an underwhelming swan song for Lawlor. He was supposed to have the first of the holographic Pinball 2000 tables, but his Magic Blocks project was cancelled to devote resources to Revenge from Mars and Star Wars: Episode One. The man deserved to go out on a higher note than Gofers.

#9: Red & Ted’s Road Show
Member of the 6K Club

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 4
Type: Finesse
Ranked #7 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
THE PINBALL CHICK CERTIFIED EXCELLENT TABLE
TABLE FACTS
1994 by Williams Electronic Games, 6,259 Units Sold
Designed by Pat Lawlor, Dwight Sullivan, & Ted Estes
Art by John Youssi
Music & Sound by Chris Granner
TRIVIA
-The final member of the SuperPin line, and the only one not based on a licensed property.
-Red is voiced by Carlene Carter, daughter of June-Carter Cash and stepdaughter of Johnny Cash.
-Rumors persist that Earthshaker originally was going to feature a construction worker’s head where the Earthquake institute was located, but Williams made designer Pat Lawlor choose between the shaker motor or the head, and he chose the motor while moving the talking head concept to his next table, Funhouse. Red & Ted acts as a sequel to Earthshaker and features two heads AND a shaker motor.
-Briefly held the record for most expensive pinball production until being replaced by Stargate (1995 Gottlieb).
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Good (#15 of 22)
Jordi: Great (#9 of 22)
Angela: Masterpiece (#2 of 22)
Dave: Great (#8 of 22)
Link to Guide

1993’s Twilight Zone is wide(bodi)ly considered the greatest pinball table ever. Red & Ted’s Road Show is Pat Lawlor’s follow-up to it, and you’ve got to feel for him in the same way you feel for Francis Ford Coppola every time someone talks about anything he did after the Godfather or Godfather II. Once you’ve made anything that’s, according to fans and many peers, “the best ever“, you can’t possibly live up to that prior work again. Road Show doesn’t remotely try to feel like Twilight Zone. The only similarities are being part of the SuperPin line of gigantic wide body tables (in fact, Road Show is the final of the series) and being a mode-heavy experience. Lawlor has a reputation for making the most complex pins imaginable. This one might be more convoluted and confusing than even Twilight Zone.

More than any other Williams Pinball Season 1 table, Red & Ted’s Road Show requires a time investment just to get a feel for what you’re supposed to be doing and how the massive volume of modes work. There’s over twenty, mostly named after cities. There’s a vast, wide open playfield with two nightmare-fuel ventriloquist heads that serve as the primary targets, but most of the modes are activated by shooting ramps and targets behind them. You know what? Just watch this video courtesy of Bowen Kerins and the Replay Foundation. It’s 33 minutes long. Yea, it really requires that much time to figure this thing out.

Did you watch it? LIAR! You did not! And you really should, because you’ll be expected to do all that. Is it fun? Well, yeah. I mean, obviously. I have it ranked as “great.” But Red & Ted has issues. The scoring balance is wonky, with some of the easier modes worth more points than harder ones (and hell, that’s before you factor in Pinball FX 3’s boosts). My Dad’s been on my case all year for rewarding tables that FUBAR the risk/reward balance, especially since that was the main complaint of my Nintendo’s Pinball review. Yea, that’s a legitimate complaint. What can I say? Nintendo’s Pinball isn’t fun. Red & Ted is. Theatre of Magic is. And there’s something about the SuperPin line that makes hitting high degree-of-difficulty shots feel so much more satisfying. My biggest issue with Red & Ted is there’s simply too many things to keep track of, with too many important elements based on chance. Multiballs have an uncanny knack for clearing each-other out. Maddening table, but oh so fun too. Also, I’m going to go ahead and say it: worst launcher/skill-shot ever.

#8: Space Station

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 6
Type: Sharpshooter-Kinetic
Ranked #9 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
THE PINBALL CHICK CERTIFIED EXCELLENT TABLE
TABLE FACTS
1987 by Williams Electronic Games, 3,804 Units Sold
Designed by Barry Oursler
Art by Tim Elliott
Music & Sound by Brian Schmidt
TRIVIA
-Space Station is the first digital recreation by Zen Studios that has never had an official digital conversion.
-This sequel to 1984’s Space Shuttle was a huge flop for Williams due to high production costs of the Space Station toy.
-Prototypes featured a drop-target that was removed to shave costs from production. The target would have virtually been a blind-angle anyway.
-At the moment artist Tim Elliott was drawing the space shuttles for the backglass art, he looked up at his TV to see the Space Shuttle Challenger had exploded.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Masterpiece (#2 of 22)
Jordi: Good (#16 of 22)
Angela: Good (#17 of 22)
Dave: Great (#6 of 22)

While 1984’s Space Shuttle wasn’t an unprecedented hit by any means, its success bought the pinball industry valuable time and convinced arcade owners the medium wasn’t done yet. Williams especially had suffered a string of catastrophic commercial flops, with some of their tables outright hated by operators. Space Shuttle might have attracted players with a cheap plastic space shuttle toy, but it wooed players back to Silverball with its absolutely stellar gameplay. Without question, Space Shuttle saved pinball.

The sequel would have nearly tanked it again, had Williams not just run off a string of global hits like High Speed, Pin•Bot, Comet, and F-14 Tomcat. Tables that feel like they’re taking gigantic steps towards what the sport would become during the DMD era. Space Station, in many ways, feels like it’s deliberately trying to slow the medium down and catch its breath. Hence, Space Station takes on the feel of an early-80s sharpshooter, with the focus being tight, precision shots and lots of lights and targets. The focus is on refining the scoring to be as razor-sharp as humanly possible. Incredibly, a 1987 table thus manages to somehow feel like it’s paying tribute to a bygone era. Weird.

Speaking of weird, Oursler wasn’t totally against outright experimenting. Throwing players of all-stripes off balance is the fact that Space Station has no inlanes. Instead, the slingshots actually buffer the small outlanes. It makes a precision-shooting table dip its flippers to test the Kinetic waters. It never succumbs to outright chaos, but it puts it all on the player to prevent it from happening. So actually, this old-school feeling table takes quite a bit of getting the hang of. In the case of Space Station, it’s a successful experiment, though a lot of players hate it, and I can totally understand why. Multiballs are incredibly hard to keep alive and tend to clear each-other out, especially if you’ve already lost your kick-back. But, brave the lack of stabilizing inlanes and you’ll find one of the most inspired and fine-tuned tables of an entire generation. What generation that is, I’m not quite sure.

#7: Indiana Jones: The Pinball Adventure
Member of the 12K Club

Stand Alone Expansion
Type: Pick ‘n Flick/Kinetic
Ranked #6 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
THE PINBALL CHICK CERTIFIED EXCELLENT TABLE
TABLE FACTS
1993 Williams Electronic Games, 12,716 Units Sold
Designed by Mark Ritchie & Doug Watson
Additional Concept from Brian Eddy
Art by Doug Watson
Sound & Music by Rich Karstens & Chris Granner
TRIVIA
-The second member of the SuperPin line.
-Indiana Jones was the first table to use Williams DCS sound system.
-If you play quick multiball well enough, you’ll win “The Fish of Tayles”, which references the Mark Ritchie pin Fish Tales.
-Taking an alternate path in the mine cart video mode will lead you to a treasure that contains Michigan J. Frog, aka the “Hello my Baby, Hello my Honey” frog from the Warner Bros. cartoon.
-Indiana Jones: The Pinball Adventure is the youngest member of the exclusive 12K Club, releasing in August, 1993, and the second-to-last pinball table to sell over 10,000 units (November, 1993’s Star Trek: The Next Generation was the final).
THE REST OF TEAM
Oscar: Great (#5 of 22)
Jordi: Great (#8 of 22)
Angela: Great (#8 of 22)
Dave: Good (#13 of 22)

All the SuperPins are weird in their own way, but Indiana Jones is weird-weird. Pinball Chick team member/real life designer Dave coined the term “WINO” for it: Widebody in Name Only. And, yea, that’s a pretty accurate way to describe Indy. It’s probably the most “normal” of the SuperPins, with most of the challenge coming from the extremely aggressive slingshots, outlanes, and a harrowing ball launch that produces so many house balls in Zen’s physics that my sister dubbed it “Raiders of the Lost Turn.” Suck it up, folks. We all had Indy puns. Like the capture ball, which my Dad dubbed “Indiana Jones and the Capture Ball of Doom.” And, of course, being the last 12K-selling table (and second-to-last ever 10K-selling table), you could call this “Indiana Jones and the Last Arcade………hit.”

The sad thing is, Indiana Jones is a damn fine table.. when you actually get to play it. House balls really are a problem in the standard physics, and since you can’t control the serve of the ball, you’re at their mercy. Without an effective nudge, you have no way to defend against them. Sometimes, the ball will just fall straight down the drain twice in a row, costing you a life through no fault of your own. Mind you, Indy is a table that would be brutal enough without these. That left outlane is a serial killer, and you have to hold your breath every time you shoot the capture ball (or every time the ball tumbles down the right side of the bumper area). The fact that you might just randomly lose an entire turn is kind of cruel.

But, when it cooks, Indiana Jones really cooks. There’s not a single stinker among the twelve primary modes. There’s a massive variety of extra ball opportunities, a thrilling standard multiball, a genuinely satisfying quick-multiball, and some of the best video modes in the sport. Completing all twelve modes opens one of THE great wizard modes. Fans of Zen’s boosts will note that the power to double the end-of-ball bonus serves to increase the tension and delight of the twelve modes. If not for the house balls, Indy would have certainly scored multiple MASTERPIECE ratings from the team, including from myself. But they’re there, so it didn’t. House balls. I hate house balls.

THE MASTERPIECES

#6: Theatre of Magic
Member of the 6K Club

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 3
Type: Finesse
Ranked #8 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
THE PINBALL CHICK CERTIFIED EXCELLENT TABLE
TABLE FACTS
1995 by Midway Manufacturing, 6,600 Units Sold
Designed by John Popadiuk
Art by Linda “Deal” Doane
Music & Sound by Dave Zabriskie
TRIVIA
-Originally the table was going to be based around famous magician David Copperfield and production started before even finding out if he was interested. Copperfield allegedly wanted too much money, but the concept didn’t require a famous name attached to it.
-Theatre of Magic originally had a disappearing drain post, but arcade operators complained that posts led to extended play times and Midway mandated they not be used anymore.
-Theatre of Magic was the final traditional pinball machine to sell over 5,000 units.
ALTERATIONS
-Mortal Kombat references have been removed.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Bad (#20 of 22)
Jordi: Great (#10 of 22)
Angela: Great (#7 of 22)
Dave: Masterpiece (#2 of 22)
Link to Guide

While John Popadiuk’s story once he left Williams was, ahem, less than inspirational, Theatre of Magic has left its mark on pinball as one of the most popular and influential tables ever. I’m surprised operators allowed this to become such a big hit. A relatively easy (by the standards of the era) table based around shooting combos, Theatre of Magic is built for fun, with any quarters it ate being secondary to that. Theatre utilizes the magic gimmick to its fullest potential. This includes a heavy use of magnetic areas, including magnets that save balls from outlanes. It’s ambitious, and it works.

Theatre of Magic is a player’s table, and a genuine masterpiece. But, it’s hardly perfect. In fact, my ranking of it in the masterpiece category was the source of controversy in the Vice household that led to a full-blown shouting match. I felt the the biggest flaw is the high-risk center orbit that, depending on the angle the ball enters it, can lead to a no-hope (even if you attempt to tilt it) instakill drain-out. My Dad, a pinball purist, felt that an instakill orbit was nothing compared to the utterly broken scoring balance. Simple orbits pay off too much. The multiball is too easy to trigger (even average players should be able to activate it every ball) and jackpots are too easy to come by. The biggest rewards in Theatre come from relatively easy shots. Also, there’s a video pinball mode on the dot matrix display that’s possibly the worst video pinball ever made. Why would you do a video pinball mode that bad on any real pinball table? Come to think of it, once we’re doing a video pinball mode on a video pinball game, we’re sort of through the looking glass. Ugh. But ultimately, it feels like a table designed primarily to be fun, not to make money. I can’t justify ranking Theatre of Magic this high, except to say that it’s insanely entertaining. Isn’t that why we’re all here?

#5: The Getaway: High Speed II
Member of the 12K Club

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 1
Type: Sharpshooter-Kinetic
Ranked #2 of 21 by The Pinball Chick Team
🎆THE PINBALL CHICK PANTHEON INDUCTEE🎆
TABLE FACTS
1992 by Williams Electronic Games, 13,259 Units Sold
18th Highest Selling Solid State Table
Designed by Steve Ritchie
Art by Doug Watson & Mark Sprenger
Music & Sound by Dan “TOASTY!” Forden
TRIVIA
-High Speed and Getaway were based on the designer Steve Ritchie’s 1979 experience leading California police on a high-speed chase in a Porsche.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Masterpiece (#1 of 22)
Jordi: Masterpiece (#3 of 22)
Angela: Masterpiece (#4 of 22)
Dave: Masterpiece (#3 of 22)
Link to Guide

I didn’t get Getaway at first. I’d never played High Speed, the industry-altering table this is the sequel to. Frankly, Getaway’s design made little sense to me. It’s a sharpshooter-style table, no doubt about it. You absolutely NEED precision to hit targets and string together combos and make tight squeezes through orbits, or shoot the Ritchie-signature short-orbit loop. Great, it’s a sharpshooter! Duh! But, no sharpshooter ever has had such a live ball. In fact, while the target placement and scoring system are exactly what you’d expect from a sharpshooter, Getaway feels like a kinetic. Even accurate shots go flying, and missed shots could go anywhere so fast that they test your reaction times. I suppose that’s keeping with the car chase theme, but still, it felt like the two styles clashed too much.

Having put dozens more hours into The Getaway since I first wrote this review, I’m not too proud to admit it: I was wrong. The Getaway II is absolutely stellar, and worthy of being the sequel to a table that brought pinball design into a new golden age. But, I also think it’s safe to say that many players, even good hardcore pinheads, might need time to “get” Getaway. It’s a difficult table where many of the targets that are necessary towards driving the score are extremely high risk. Well, assuming you miss, hence the necessity for precision.

The pace of Getaway is the stuff of legends. Shooting the orbits charges up your RPMs and also lights the Burn Rubble reward, which is surprisingly balanced as far as random awards go. I mean, besides the two random chances at extra balls, once of which can be snatched from video mode. Speaking of which, even notoriously anti-VM grouch Oscar gives props to Getaway’s video mode for being simple, easy to understand. I’m not totally sold on this being #1, and frankly, I’m stunned my scoring-balance loving Daddy can forgive the completely ridiculous Redline scoring. Nonetheless, the boys were right and I was wrong: Getaway is one of the best tables in Pinball FX3. There, happy?

#4 Funhouse
Member of the 10K Club

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 6
Type: Finesse
Ranked #5 of 21 by The Pinball Chick Team
THE PINBALL CHICK CERTIFIED EXCELLENT TABLE
TABLE FACTS
1990 by Williams Electronic Games, 10,751 Units Sold
27th Highest Selling Solid State Table
Designed by Pat Lawlor & Larry DeMar
Art by John Youssi
Music & Sound by Chris Granner & Jon Hey
TRIVIA
-Rudy is voiced by Mortal Kombat co-creator Ed Boon, who also voices Scorpion, Shang Tsung, and others in those games.
-The clock featured in 1993’s Twilight Zone table was originally designed for Funhouse, but the feature couldn’t be finished in time and was held over for future use.
-Funhouse is actually a remake of a 1956 table “Fun House” designed by Williams founder Harry Williams that featured unique “trap doors” under the gobble holes.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Great (#9 of 22)
Jordi: Great (#5 of 22)
Angela: Masterpiece (#3 of 22)
Dave: Great (#10 of 22)

There’s tables that sold more than Funhouse, and there’s tables from it’s era that are more remembered than Funhouse, and yet, no table from it’s era produces the warm feelings of nostalgia and a more innocent time quite like Funhouse. It’s the comfort food of the pinball universe. Which is kind of funny because Rudy, the giant ventriloquist dummy head voiced by Ed “GET OVER HERE” Boon, is one creepy S.O.B. But seriously, there’s no table that Gen Xers collectively celebrate as much. A table where they can list off exactly when and where the Funhouse they dropped their quarters in was. There’s always a sense of warmness in their cadence too. No other table does that to people. It’s warm and fuzzy in that sense.

So, no pressure in converting a table that does all that to digital, Zen Studios!

Well, congrats: you guys did it! Funhouse is one of the few early 90s tables that lives up to a towering reputation even in digital form. It has a high degree of difficulty and deliberately stresses players with one of the most maddening multiball drops in the sport. Yet, connecting on shots is breathtaking and pulling off the incredibly-difficult jackpot while keeping the other balls alive is a thrill like few other tables have. There’s something primal about mastering Funhouse, and my family got to experience that together. Myself, my father Oscar, and my 10-year-old sister Angela, traded the world record for Pinball FX3’s Five Minute Challenge Mode in the game several times. Dad beat the previous champion first (his first Pinball FX3 World Record), then I beat him, then Angela beat me (her first ever pinball World Record) before Dad regained his title. Finally, I took it back for a second time and have kept it ever since. Angela, meanwhile, has the highest five minute score recorded on a Switch. All of this in a 24 hour span, mind you, and all of us scoring MUCH higher than all other global competitors while my Twitter followers watched in disbelief. “How can you guys be so good that you’re trading world records AT WILL?” Well, we’ve played a lot of the real table. Still, it was magical while it was happening. UPDATE 10/29/2020: Angela has regained the world record and became the first person to clear 50,000,000 in 5 minutes.

Of course, that type of experience isn’t one that’ll be common among other players. But, what will be is the sheer elegance of Funhouse’s design and surprisingly fine-tuned scoring. The biggest knock I have is that Funhouse relies a lot on the plunger, but Pinball FX3 hasn’t exactly gotten the mechanics of the plunger properly adjusted to analog controllers. There’s a strong chance that Funhouse could move into the #2 or #3 spot on one of Arcade 1Up’s upcoming digital pinball tables that they’ve partnered with Zen Studios with, assuming they properly map the plunger. Funhouse would have passed Attack from Mars, at least in my view, with a proper plunger. The Steps shot is nearly impossible to clock without it, especially on Nintendo Switch. But that’s literally my only major complaint. Rest assured, gen-Xers: your favorite table is back and it’s still amazing.

#3 Attack from Mars

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 2
Type: Kinetic
Ranked #1 of 21 by The Pinball Chick Team
🎆THE PINBALL CHICK PANTHEON INDUCTEE🎆
TABLE FACTS
1995 by Midway Manufacturing, 3,450 Units Sold
Designed by Brian Eddy
Art by Doug Watson
Music & Sound by Dan “TOASTY!” Forden
TRIVIA
-Attack from Mars is the first electronic game with an epilepsy warning.
-Despite what you’d think, Attack from Mars was not inspired by the Tim Burton film Mars Attacks!, which came out exactly a year after the table hit arcades. Nor is it inspired by the 1962 trading cards the film is based upon.
-Attack from Mars and sequel Revenge from Mars were developed into a successful line of slot machines in 2011.
-Artist Doug Watson also provided the voice and script for the Martians.
ALTERATIONS
-Some minor cosmetic changes have been made to the art in order to secure an E rating.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Masterpiece (#3 of 22)
Jordi: Masterpiece (#1 of 22)
Angela: Masterpiece (#1 of 22)
Dave: Masterpiece (#4 of 22)
Link to Guide

Brian Eddy is one of my favorite pinball designers, but the man only really led the design on three tables: Medieval Madness, The Shadow (based on the Alec Baldwin movie, itself based on an old pulp magazine), and this. All three are masterpieces in the annals of silverball. That the medium faded out just as Eddy was hitting his stride is one of the great tragedies of gaming. Attack from Mars is a wonderful table. One of the fastest, high-thrills pinball machines ever made. And one of the best in terms of layout. A clean, simple design with clear targets and simple angles. The challenge comes not from impossible shots but relying on players to feel the pressure of a high score as it draws near. Eddy understood that the best challenges in pinball are ones players put upon themselves.

So, what’s the problem with Attack from Mars? No seriously, I’m asking you. Because I left this part of the review blank for days while I finished off the other tables. I’m here right now trying to figure out a negative thing to say. I can’t. Attack from Mars proves perfection isn’t unobtainable. The scoring balance? Rock solid (even if the “count by hundreds of millions” shtick feels forced). The modes? Easy to grasp, difficult to master, with a perfect tempo. The theme? So much fun. I’ve heard player after player who has been buying these sets tell me that, going in, they thought it’d be Medieval Madness or Theatre of Magic they’d keep returning to, but it turned out that Attack from Mars was that game instead.

I hear you asking “so, why isn’t it #1?” Simple: there are two tables more fun than it. While Attack from Mars is genuinely flawless (one of only four games I feel you can say that about, along with video games Tetris, Portal, and an NES Homebrew game you’ve never heard of called Böbl), and one of the best pinball machines ever made, I feel, even at its fullest potential, Medieval Madness and Monster Bash are just more fun. I can’t stress enough: Attack from Mars is the perfect table. In fact, it should be the first table that everyone learning the in’s and out’s of modern pinball practices on. I just watched my nine year old niece get her first wizard mode. Brings a tear to my eye. But Attack from Mars also proves you can be perfect and still not the best.

#2: Monster Bash

Featured in Williams Pinball Universal Monsters Pack
Type: Finesse-Kinetic
Ranked #4 of 22 by The Pinball Chick Team
THE PINBALL CHICK CERTIFIED EXCELLENT TABLE
TABLE FACTS
1998 by Williams Electronic Games, 3,361 Units Sold
Designed by George Gomez
Art by Kevin O’Connor
Music & Sound by Vince Pontarelli
TRIVIA
-The final traditional pinball table to carry the Williams brand name, and the final traditional table completed in the Williams/Bally family (Cactus Canyon had development and production halted).
-Released on the 9th birthday of Cathy “Indie Gamer Chick” Vice (aka The Pinball Chick, aka ME!). Hey, it doesn’t get more trivial than that!
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Great (#7 of 22)
Jordi: Masterpiece (#2 of 22)
Angela: Good (#11 of 22)
Dave: Masterpiece (#1 of 22)
Link to Guide

Initially, I had Monster Bash #1, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt Medieval Madness is the most purely fun, perfectly-balanced real table recreated by Pinball FX3. It’s the table I’ll be going back to the most. And thus, Monster Bash wins Miss Congeniality, by a razor thin margin. It really only comes down to how darn precisely measured the scoring for Medieval Madness is. Monster Bash is slightly more chaotic, based around stacking modes, though unlike Medieval Madness, most of those modes don’t center around wacky multiball. Modes are super easy to trigger, and really, this is one of those zany fun tables Midway (under the Williams label) was cranking out at the end of the 90s. Like Junk Yard, there’s a sense of finality to it. The knowledge that Pinball 2000 is going to be the future, and win or lose, traditional pinball was dead for Midway. Monster Bash feels like George Gomez is personally thanking every fan of the sport for their loyalty with a balls-to-the-wall experience that simultaneously feels like every late-era table, though done in a way that feels one-off and totally original even twenty-years-later. Just.. wow. How the hell did he pull that off?

My top two tables have a lot in common. They’re player’s tables that feel like a love letter to every eccentric pinball trope. And stacking modes. Lots and lots of modes. Monster Bash is toy-heavy and built around triggering Monster Bash mode, where every single toy becomes active. If you’re playing in the standard mode and have unlocked the scoring boost, you’ll want to save it for this (and stack it with the multiball boost). And by God, this mode alone is probably the greatest multiball of all-time. Monster Bash isn’t perfect. Monster Bash mode is so central to gameplay that everything leading up to that feels more like an arbitrary checklist. I don’t get excited for the other modes the same way I do for starting anything in Medieval Madness, though they’re still all fun just as experiences. Also, that Phantom Flip is a pain in the butt. Not only does it often miss, but those misses can easily drain out. Call the Ghostbusters! Having said that, the edge still goes to Medieval Madness. The greatest mode doesn’t make the greatest table. But don’t let that scare you off. Bash is good enough to be worth the $9.99 price tag of the Universal Monsters Pack alone.

#1: Medieval Madness

Featured in Williams Pinball Volume 1
Type: Finesse
Ranked #3 of 21 by The Pinball Chick Team
🎆THE PINBALL CHICK PANTHEON INDUCTEE🎆
TABLE FACTS
1997 by Williams Electronic Games, 4,016 Units Sold
Designed by Brian Eddy
Art by John Youssi & Greg Freres
Music & Sound by Dan “TOASTY!” Forden
TRIVIA
-Tina Fey of Saturday Night Live fame provides voices for The opera and cockney princesses.
-Brian Eddy didn’t work on another pinball table until twenty-three years later, when Stern tapped him for their 2020 Stranger Things table.
ALTERATIONS
-Some artwork has been toned-down or removed in order to secure an E rating.
REST OF THE TEAM
Oscar: Masterpiece (#4 of 22)
Jordi: Masterpiece (#4 of 22)
Angela: Masterpiece (#5 of 22)
Dave: Masterpiece (#5 of 22)
Link to Guide

What can I say about Medieval Madness that hasn’t been said? It’s one of the all-time greats. It’s one of the last great Williams/Bally tables. It’s designed for chaotic, flipper-mashing mayhem. It guest stars Tina Fey (no joke). This is a wonderful table. Like a more refined, idealized version of Attack from Mars that slows the action down (changing the table style from a Kinetic to a Finesse) with a Dungeons & Dragons theme. Which makes sense, since both are Brian Eddy designs. Same basic concept, really. There’s a large, primary target in the center of the field that you chip at. There’s simple orbits on the sides with easy-to-access loops. There’s tons of quick-to-activate modes. Really, it’s Attack from Mars on steroids: bigger, stronger, and slower. But slower in a good way. Really, Medieval Madness couldn’t have handled being as fast or as bouncy as Attack from Mars. It would have ruined the table.

Medieval Madness’ greatest strength is that there’s no wasted room. Every single successful shot feels like the player is getting something out of it. Multiball modes stack. You can cycle through progress of different modes. The biggest issue by far is that the table’s primary target, the castle gate, is designed in a way where the ball has about a 30% – 50% chance dropping straight down the middle from a variety of angles. Which, frankly, is the exact same issue with Attack from Mars. There’s “smart angles” that you can take shooting it, but the margin for error of those angles is razor thin. Also, the super skill shot (which you do by holding the left flipper) is worth less for skilled players (irony) than a standard skill shot because it doesn’t give you multipliers for making it, and multipliers are a bit harder to come by than the points you get from the super skill. But, like I said, nit-picky, as you can tell from the ranking here. Any would-be pinball designer should study Madness in laboratory conditions just to learn how you properly balance risk-reward. Let it be said: no table of the dot-matrix-display era handles scoring better. Medieval Madness is a legend for a reason, and the best real table on Pinball FX 3.