It’s one of the most visually-striking tables EVER. The “sequel” is just the same table with the same playfield art. Only the backglass has been changed. It would be like if people paid to see Empire Strikes Back, and they just replayed A New Hope, but hey, the poster was different so it counts, right? One of the strangest cases of giving any gaming property sequel numbering in history.
Centaur is a favorite of Cathy’s and she genuinely does not get why everyone else isn’t on-board with her MASTERPIECErating. The O-R-B-S targets, which awards a two-ball multiball for shooting in sequence, are some of the absolute best drop targets ever. She gets no arguments from the rest of us there. But, there just isn’t much else. The capture ball and happy trail aren’t that excitingly placed or implemented. None of us are arguing this is bad or even boring. We all enjoy Centaur. We’re giving it an award. But this isn’t even a particularly well-crafted virtual port. Angela crashed a four player game (it IS always Angela) that had a family high pace, but other four player games suffered failures as well.
The open outlanes are sloppily coded at best, often needing a virtual assist that makes it look like the ball Shadowcats through the structure. It breaks the illusion of reality, something the open outlanes featured in Magic Pixel’s Zaccaria tables never needed to do to work. However, it’s mostly because, as well shooting as it is, there’s just not enough great shots to elevate this to the Pantheon. It’s not that we can’t enjoy simplicity. Angela and Sasha both give Gorgar MASTERPIECEstatus and Oscar wants to be buried with his Firepower table. This ain’t no Gorgar or Firepower, though. Cathy is just plain wrong. DELISTED
Type: Solid State – Numeric Display Based on Centaur by Bally (1981) Designer: Jim Patla Vice Family High: Cathy “IGC” 3,343,120* Cathy: MASTERPIECE Sasha The Kid: GREAT Angela: GOOD Oscar: GREAT Scoring Average: 4.0 – Awarded a CERTIFICATE OF EXCELLENCE *Angela was shooting at a much higher pace when the game died.
More Pinball FX versus The Pinball Arcade on Nintendo Switch. Remember, the TPA version was listed for only a matter of minutes on April 6, 2018 before being immediately delisted. Did you miss out? In the case of Attack From Mars, no, you did not. Even a very imperfect version of AFM by Zen Studios is preferable to it. This is a special feature, but consider it our definitive Attack From Mars FX on Switch review and remember this does not apply to Pinball FX on other platforms. Read that review.
ATTACK FROM MARS
PINBALL FX FOR NINTENDO SWITCH
Thoughts of a Designer with Dave Sanders: “Experience Attack From Mars for just five minutes and you’ll understand why Brian Eddy keeps coming back to the same ‘two-flipper fan with one big center feature’ style more often than not with relatively minor differences each time. Because it WORKS. This intuitive, easy-to-learn, hard-to-master formula was lightning in a bottle and Eddy is loathe to let that go (and if he doesn’t use it, George Gomez will). Collectors – the primary cash-cow for pinball manufacturers these days – scoff at this as they’re always chasing the next new thing that, as far as they’re concerned, needs to be ‘bigger’ than the last. But instead of blaming Stern for being ‘lazy’, maybe blame Attack From Mars instead for just having been that good in the first place.”
Attack From Mars isn’t exactly a favorite for dueling in our family. We can’t beat Angela unless she has an unfathomable off-day, and frankly, even those tend to end with her getting pissed and leaving us in a smoking crater (what she did to us on the Pinball Arcade version will go down in family lore). But, Angela has questions about this version. “Are you sure the sample table they used to simulate Attack From Mars actually used a pinball made of stainless steel and not a round, unusually reflective rock?” Angela calls it “Boulder Balling” while Cathy says it’s more like the ball behaves like a beach ball partially filled with water. It has a lopsided bounce to it around the flipper zone. In fairness, that weird bouncing usually helps players to avoid the outlanes and makes rebounding a cinch. And that makes us wonder if that’s why it’s there. What if their engine turned the outlanes into Galactus and they had to add the wobble to correct it? Oh, and why does the right flipper just randomly release when you’re holding the button down? It’s not a constant thing, but it does happen. Angela, already furious that Zen Studios removed the replay extra ball (yea, WTF is up with that?!), argued for Attack From Mars to be declared OUT OF ORDER, but the vote must be unanimous and it wasn’t, so she gave it a rating of GOOD. Bit of a mixed message, but Sasha and Cathy dropped their ratings in solidarity. Attack From Mars FX on Switch needs a ton of work that we imagine won’t arrive until the Switch 2 hits. No rush. It’s only one of the most popular tables and a main reason people download FX. Set: Williams Pinball Volume 2 ($9.99) Type: Solid State – Dot-Matrix Display Based on Attack From Mars by Bally (1995) Designer: Brian Eddy Conversion: Thomas Crofts Duel Winner: Angela Cathy: GREAT Sasha the Kid: GREAT Angela: GOOD Oscar: MASTERPIECE Dave: MASTERPIECE
Elias: PENDING Scoring Average: 4.2 – Awarded a Certificate of Excellence FX Difference: 0.8 Lower TPA Difference: 1.2 Higher
THE PINBALL ARCADE ON NINTENDO SWITCH ATTACK FROM MARS COMPARISON
Pinball FX
The Pinball Arcade
We were dueling, which was foolhardy to begin with because Angela hasn’t lost a match of Attack From Mars in years. But, something weird was happening: Cathy was winning the game going into the third ball. Angela barely had a billion points at the start of her final ball and would have lost when it drained, but she had already earned the pity ball. And then Sasha just had to open her big yap. This really happened.
Sasha: Wow, Angela got the pity ball. Maybe we should only duel at this version. We might have a chance at beating her.
(Angela turns around looking livid, then turns back around and begins shooting conservatively.)
Oscar: You just had to open your mouth.
Cathy: Yea, what the hell, Sasha? Look at her face now!
Sasha: Whoops.
(After close to thirty minutes of watching in horror as Angela plays like an old lady counting change at the checkout stand, Angela rules the universe, then she plunges the next ball, turns around, drops the controller and lays the remaining game down with a score of 28,795,002,880 as she stares us down with madness in her eyes, then flips us the bird and walks out of the room like a boss.)
Oscar: Way to go, Sasha.
Cathy: Yeah, thanks a ton, Sasha. I was winning that game.
Sasha: My bad………… that was fire, though.
Oscar & Cathy: Indeed.
Angela ruled the universe despite this being a miserable table that, frankly, was nearly broken. Before Angela did, well, Angela things, none of us could get anything going on Attack From Mars TPA Switch. We were getting rejected on every angle, assuming the ball even made it that far up at all. Usually, it just sort of lobbed into the middle of the midfield. The flippers have NO punching power and the ball is even floatier than most tables. We strongly suspect many of the 60+ delisted pins we’ll be covering in these features are actually unfinished prototypes that never got fine-tuning and were submitted for content approval and not for actual listing. It would explain why the gravity was so wrong, even for TPA. However, before going to press, Cathy discovered that the table plays much better in the standard view. If she could have gotten a super combo, she might have even beaten Angela’s high score. Of course, the only reason to want the Switch version is for the ease of setting up the table view, so this defeats the point.
We can honestly say this is the worst version of Attack From Mars we’ve played, ever. Hands down. Angela came to believe that seal clapping increased the strength of both flippers, but shots off the flippers often gained no speed. She only put up the score she did by playing catch-set-shoot, and then she had to change the camera at the last second to finish the wizard mode. “Bad as it is, the angles are right.” So, it has that going for it. The funny thing is, the worst version of Attack From Mars still further cements how amazing this table is. A version with the wrong gravity and crippled flippers still is fun enough and well designed enough to score straight GOODratings from us. Sure, that’s an astonishing drop of two full points, but it’s also the final proof needed that Attack From Mars must be the perfect pinball table if such a terrible port can still be fun. DELISTED Type: Solid State – Dot-Matrix Display Based on Attack From Mars by Bally (1995) Designer: Brian Eddy Vice Family High: Angela “ADV” 28,795,002,880 Cathy: GOOD Sasha The Kid: GOOD Angela: GOOD Oscar: GOOD Scoring Average: 3.0 – Awarded a CLEAN SCORECARD
THE VOTES
attack from mars
Cathy: Pinball FX Sasha the Kid: Pinball FX Angela: Pinball FX Oscar: Pinball FX Unanimous Decision: Pinball FX wins 4 – 0
The Pinball Arcade was released on Nintendo Switch on April 6, 2018, then immediately delisted in under two hours and modified to remove all the Bally/Williams pins. Years after this happened, The Pinball Chick was given seven separate review codes that gave us these tables. These are among the rarest content in the entire history of Nintendo consoles, and it’s all largely undocumented. That’s why we’re providing these reviews. All media presented in these Pinball Arcade for Switch reviews we release to all content creators and websites for use in any content you make. All we ask is that you link to ThePinballChick.com.
BRAM STOKER’S DRACULA
Thoughts of a Designer with Dave Sanders: “I’ve never really got the love some people have for this one. Hated it on release for its putrid colours, rough scrappy sound and those damn lightning flippers. Looking at it now, it just seems… old. Not ‘gothic atmosphere’ old though there’s plenty of that, but old-fashioned for April 1993. Fewer moving parts than Barry Oursler’s Doctor Who or even Hurricane. The one moving part it does deserve big props for is the mist ball magnet, but that’s part of the other problem; the limited content outside of the three multiballs is pure fluff, and the fumbled early version of stacking hasn’t twigged yet that doing so with close to an entire game is a bad idea. Stack all three multiballs once, and you never need to touch it ever again (didn’t they learn anything from Bride Of One Shot’s Billionaire Club?). It’s probably significant that Bram Stoker’s Dracula and Twilight Zone came out in the same month; the development bloat of the latter is legendary, it definitely seems like something else had to give, and BSD drew the short straw.”
Bram Stoker’s Dracula is notorious for its lightning flippers, but honestly, the Switch version is right up there with the Arcooda build in being a kinder, gentler prince of darkness. But, there’s no need to feel any sense of FOMO, because Dracula is completely, totally, utterly broken. From teleporting balls to balls clipping through solid objects to the auto-plunge failing to get the ball on the table to live balls and the floating mist ball trading places, this thing kept finding new ways to fail to work as a simulation of a real machine. As big of fans as everyone (but Cathy) is of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, TPA never quite worked the bugs out on any platform, but this version specifically is really bad. Literally every game that didn’t have three house balls (which, hey, it’s Dracula so it happens) had some catastrophic, game-wrecking (if not outright game-ending) glitch. How bad can it get? Here’s the game saying the ball was lost when it was still live and in play.
Dracula could have scored a 3.75 and a Certificate of Excellence with Cathy being the lone GOODvote and the rest voting GREAT. But, if you think you missed out on the only version of Dracula on Switch, well, you didn’t. We highly anticipate this will eventually find its way to Pinball FX, but we don’t expect much from it. We’re excited for a LOT of tables to debut on FX, but with Dracula, we’re honestly pretty skeptical about it. Pinball FX isn’t exactly known for having an effective nudge or backhand, tactics that are absolutely essential for playing Dracula at a high level. Playing the TPA build on Switch reminded us of that, especially with a drain that a coffin could fit between. Terminator 2 will play great on Zen’s engine. Johnny Mnemonic will. Dirty Harry will. But Dracula? We imagine it’ll be about as bad as Keanu’s acting in the film it’s based on. DELISTED
Type: Solid State – Dot Matrix Display Based on Bram Stoker’s Dracula by Williams (1993) Designers: Barry Oursler & Mark Sprenger Vice Family High: Cathy “IGC” 1,158,456,100 totally legitimately earned points, honest to goodness. (Had it been anything near a top 100 score, she would have quit-out so not to wreck the leaderboard) Declared OUT OF ORDER by The Pinball Chick Team
DELISTED
Set: 
DELISTED
DELISTED
The Pinball Chick 
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