Category: Pinball FX

Grimm Tales (Pinball FX Table Review)

Grimm Tales
First Released February 16, 2023
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: NOT RELEASED ON SWITCH
Designed by Zoltan ’Pazo’ Pataki
Stand Alone Release ($4.99)
Okay, so using a gigantic castle placed in the center of a table isn’t exactly original. But don’t mistake this as a Medieval Madness wannabe. This is a fantastic original table.

Think of Grimm as being the unholy offspring of Medieval Madness and Tales of the Arabian Nights. The layout borrows heavily from Medieval Madness, maybe a little too closely. Oscar really thought it was just a touch too derivative, and not just because of the castle. Both the left and right long orbits feel very close to MM’s side shots and are such a cinch to shoot and spoon-feed the bumpers that tying a multiball just to them he thinks might have been foolish. I don’t disagree with him about the layout, either, but there’s plenty of effort to make it feel different as well. The ultra-steep damsel ramp has no evil twin in Grimm Tales. Instead, the game utilizes two very tough but fairly well-done toe shots for the gingerbread house (which lights modes) and Magic Mirror. The castle includes new angles as well, including a deceptively tricky “sneak around the back” shot that’s actually the REAL driver of the table, acting as both the mode start and extra ball shot. This is a table that has a lot of very fun shots, and while the ramps share similar placement as Madness, they don’t feel like the ramps on that table. The flow load is completely different.

Signature Shots – The Castle: Grimm Tales’ castle is four shots in one. The table’s driver is in a tiny orbit just left of the castle, and is also the extra ball shot. The gate switches which mode is lit and is always the final shot to end any mode. The two gatehouses act as ball locks for Crystal Multiball and might be too easy to hit, but there’s an inspired twist to that. The locks are still active when you actually start the multiball, and NOT locking a ball doubles the value of jackpots, adding a layer to ball management that we all thought was very clever. That was the part that sealed Sasha’s MASTERPIECE vote when she couldn’t decide which way she was going.
One of the “ANGRY MODE” effects. You’re lucky if you get this one.

The Tales of the Arabian Nights DNA is in the modes. Each mode is based on a fairy tale instead of an Arabian Night, but they’re all relatively short. So short that it’s kind of surprising for a Zen table. Plus, most of the modes are actually a lot of fun. The problem is not every angle is. The “grandmother’s house” bat flipper pathways are maddening to shoot (see the caption below), and the Snow White mode uses the bumpers, which are overvalued in a table with THIS easy of access to them. The easiest extra ball to light is done by juicing the end of ball bonus to past 10x. In our duel, not a single Vice missed that EB in any game. Otherwise, the modes are punchy and rewarding, along with a pair of multiballs that are quick to activate and can be used to finish the modes. I also like the concept of being able to charge-up the table’s score via T-A-L-E lights, which could potentially multiply your score by 2.4x the playfield values. Not after the ball, mind you. DURING PLAY! That’s bold.

Signature Mode – Little Red Riding Hood: as unlikely as it seems, this short little shot is the hardest in the game. Nobody could get a feel for it, but if you’re going to miss, miss late instead of early. Just under the path is a hidden Ritchie Loop that gives you another crack at the shot. Neat. Not neat, and in fact one of the most annoying features on the table, is that in the Little Red Riding Hood mode, the ball is held over the flipper for far too long. “Slow pitch softball” is what Oscar called it, and he HATED it. Cussed a blue streak every time. Angela said “I’m never teasing the dogs by holding the ball too long when we play fetch ever again.” None of us hated the shots. On their own, as part of the Crystal Multiball? They’re fine. Tough, but we like tough. The delay before serving the ball in the Red Riding Hood mode? Well, it didn’t cause Dad or me to drop our score by itself, but we were certainly thinking about it when we voted GREAT instead of MASTERPIECE. It’s so bad that it feels almost like a glitch left in the game. It happens on the lower shot too.

VUKs that aim for the tip of the flippers? Not so much bold as it is annoying, but at least the physics are good enough to be able to clock the throw and  take control of the ball. Actually, this is one of the rare Pinball FX tables that doesn’t feel like it’s specifically trying to prevent ball control, which is why I think the Vices all liked it so much. I’d even say Grimm would make a great trainer table, except one thing: the table seemingly randomly enters “Angry Mode” that screws with the physics or visibility of the ball. One of the “curses” is having a very strong wind push the ball to the left. I’m almost never a fan of screwing with live balls using video game physics. There’s also a witch who flies over the playfield during multiball modes and it’s so distracting. Don’t let any of that turn you off of trying Grimm, though. It’s one of the best stand alone pins you can get for FX and easily worth the $4.99 asking price. There’s a LOT to like about this table, and for some of us, it does enough to reach elite status.

For me, it’s GREAT but just short of the upper echelon. Jordi and Dash were frustrated by the stop-and-go nature of the table and the distracting ANGRY MODE and photo-bombing witch, which are also the reasons I didn’t vote MASTERPIECE. Oscar didn’t because he thought it didn’t have any stand-out shots. It was two kids who really loved it, (but don’t mistake this for a kids table, as both Angela and Sasha are highly skilled pinballers). Sasha was just barely MASTERPIECE, almost agreeing with Oscar that the lack of transcendent shots hurt, but the shot selection and heavy emphasis on flexible strategy won her over. Meanwhile, Angela said Grimm Tales was second only to Battle of Mimban as her favorite Zen original. “Maybe there’s more balanced tables or tables with better shots, but Grimm is just fun. It’s everything I love about pinball and isn’t afraid to be silly. Originally I felt bad giving it MASTERPIECE, but if I had more fun with it than some tables where I did vote that way, why can’t I? It does offer everything pros love, too. Maybe not as well as other top tier pins, fine, so don’t play it for flow. Don’t play it as a test of your skills either, even though it offers that as well. Play it to remind you that pinball is a game and games are supposed to be fun!”
Cathy: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Sasha the Kid: MASTERPIECE (5 out of 5)
Angela: MASTERPIECE
Oscar: GREAT
Jordi: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Dash: GOOD
Scoring Average: 4.0 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜

Dr. Dude and His Excellent Ray (Pinball FX Table Review)

Dr. Dude and His Excellent Ray
First Released August 29, 1990
Zen Build Released October 20, 2020
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Designed by Dennis Nordman
Conversion by Zoltan Vari
Set: Williams Pinball Collection 2 ($23.99)
Links: Internet Pinball Database Listing – Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
Sasha looked at me like my head was on backwards when she found out I rated the Pinball Arcade version “MASTERPIECE.” I’m not doing a bit here for comedy. She thought we were kidding. “THIS table? Dr. Dude? You think THIS is a top tier table? Maybe it’s better when the physics don’t kick the ball out of the Mix Master after a couple bumps, but even then, a MASTERPIECE should be reserved for a table with flexible strategies. Dr. Dude doesn’t have that except for the order you check off the three main shots to light the mix master. The shots are fun, so I could see going GREAT, but this isn’t a MASTERPIECE, ever.” Everyone else and Dave backed her up. You’re all wrong and I’m right so pooey to you.

Much like the Pinball FX 3 version, Dr. Dude still features a ball that could go straight down the drain off a plunge. No ball save. The awesome series of sequence shots is hard to appreciate when you don’t even get a swing at the ball. It’s why Dr. Dude and his Excellent Ray is one of the few Pinball FX tables where I still prefer the now decade-old Pinball Arcade release. It’s just more forgiving, with a nudge that’s much better at defending against this type of thing. This isn’t a table for the faint of heart, with brutal difficulty and hair-raising angles. Oh, and the Dude-o-Meter doesn’t carry over between games, so you can’t even hit the Gazillion Point Shot unless you start the multiball five times in one game, an especially tough task for a table this heartless, with a key shot (the Magnetic Personality) that isn’t easy to lock onto.

Having recently played a real Dr. Dude AND the Pinball Arcade version, I was reminded of how fun Dr. Dude can be. It’s one of my favorite underrated tables. But on Pinball FX, the Mix Master is significantly less likely to hold a ball. A reminder that, as much as we admire Zen Studios, the engine for Pinball FX is lousy. Sorry, it just is. Real tables do not behave this way, and it wasn’t rare to have the ball pass through it doing only a single bump per shot. The physics are just too heavy whether you play classic, pro, or arcade.

The good news is Dr. Dude still has one of the best “awesome shot” to “meh shot” ratios of any alpha-numeric table. Nobody can ever accuse it of being boring. The key shots that actually matter are too exciting for that. Do you know what Dr. Dude reminds me of? An old, dependable car that puts up a fight when you turn on the ignition. The tricky part is just getting it started. Once you do, you know it’ll get you where you need to be. Once you find your rhythm in Dr. Dude, you’re in for one of the most satisfying pins of the late alpha-numeric era, where every shot, and even the act of trapping the ball, is rewarding. Despite being one of the few times Zen didn’t handily defeat the efforts of Farsight doesn’t matter all that much. Dr. Dude is still really good. We’re giving it an award and everything! But it’s a table I’m willing to rate MASTERPIECE and accept all the eye rolls in the world for, and I can’t for this build. It’s just not the best digital build modern gaming technology can do. Or 2010’s technology, for that matter.
Cathy: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Sasha the Kid: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Angela: GOOD
Oscar: GREAT
Jordi: GREAT
Dash: GREAT
Dave:  GOOD (Played on Nintendo Switch)
Elias: GOOD (Played on Nintendo Switch)
Primary Scoring Average: 3.66 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜
Nintendo Switch Average: 3.5 🧹CLEAN SCORECARD🧹
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Attack From Mars on Nintendo Switch Review: Pinball FX AND The Ultra-Rare Pinball Arcade Version

More Pinball FX versus The Pinball Arcade on Nintendo Switch. Remember, the TPA version was listed for only a matter of minutes on April 6, 2018 before being immediately delisted. Did you miss out? In the case of Attack From Mars, no, you did not. Even a very imperfect version of AFM by Zen Studios is preferable to it. This is a special feature, but consider it our definitive Attack From Mars FX on Switch review and remember this does not apply to Pinball FX on other platforms. Read that review.

ATTACK FROM MARS
PINBALL FX FOR NINTENDO SWITCH

Thoughts of a Designer with Dave Sanders: “Experience Attack From Mars for just five minutes and you’ll understand why Brian Eddy keeps coming back to the same ‘two-flipper fan with one big center feature’ style more often than not with relatively minor differences each time. Because it WORKS. This intuitive, easy-to-learn, hard-to-master formula was lightning in a bottle and Eddy is loathe to let that go (and if he doesn’t use it, George Gomez will). Collectors – the primary cash-cow for pinball manufacturers these days – scoff at this as they’re always chasing the next new thing that, as far as they’re concerned, needs to be ‘bigger’ than the last. But instead of blaming Stern for being ‘lazy’, maybe blame Attack From Mars instead for just having been that good in the first place.”

Attack From Mars isn’t exactly a favorite for dueling in our family. We can’t beat Angela unless she has an unfathomable off-day, and frankly, even those tend to end with her getting pissed and leaving us in a smoking crater (what she did to us on the Pinball Arcade version will go down in family lore). But, Angela has questions about this version. “Are you sure the sample table they used to simulate Attack From Mars actually used a pinball made of stainless steel and not a round, unusually reflective rock?” Angela calls it “Boulder Balling” while Cathy says it’s more like the ball behaves like a beach ball partially filled with water. It has a lopsided bounce to it around the flipper zone. In fairness, that weird bouncing usually helps players to avoid the outlanes and makes rebounding a cinch. And that makes us wonder if that’s why it’s there. What if their engine turned the outlanes into Galactus and they had to add the wobble to correct it? Oh, and why does the right flipper just randomly release when you’re holding the button down? It’s not a constant thing, but it does happen. Angela, already furious that Zen Studios removed the replay extra ball (yea, WTF is up with that?!), argued for Attack From Mars to be declared OUT OF ORDER, but the vote must be unanimous and it wasn’t, so she gave it a rating of GOOD. Bit of a mixed message, but Sasha and Cathy dropped their ratings in solidarity. Attack From Mars FX on Switch needs a ton of work that we imagine won’t arrive until the Switch 2 hits. No rush. It’s only one of the most popular tables and a main reason people download FX.
Set: Williams Pinball Volume 2 ($9.99)
Type: Solid State – Dot-Matrix Display
Based on Attack From Mars by Bally (1995)
Designer: Brian Eddy
Conversion: Thomas Crofts
Duel Winner: Angela
Cathy: GREAT
Sasha the Kid: GREAT
Angela: GOOD
Oscar: MASTERPIECE
Dave: MASTERPIECE
Elias: PENDING
Scoring Average: 4.2 – Awarded a Certificate of Excellence
FX Difference: 0.8 Lower
TPA Difference: 1.2 Higher

THE PINBALL ARCADE ON NINTENDO SWITCH ATTACK FROM MARS COMPARISON

Pinball FX
The Pinball Arcade

We were dueling, which was foolhardy to begin with because Angela hasn’t lost a match of Attack From Mars in years. But, something weird was happening: Cathy was winning the game going into the third ball. Angela barely had a billion points at the start of her final ball and would have lost when it drained, but she had already earned the pity ball. And then Sasha just had to open her big yap. This really happened.

Sasha: Wow, Angela got the pity ball. Maybe we should only duel at this version. We might have a chance at beating her.
(Angela turns around looking livid, then turns back around and begins shooting conservatively.)
Oscar: You just had to open your mouth.
Cathy: Yea, what the hell, Sasha? Look at her face now!
Sasha: Whoops.
(After close to thirty minutes of watching in horror as Angela plays like an old lady counting change at the checkout stand, Angela rules the universe, then she plunges the next ball, turns around, drops the controller and lays the remaining game down with a score of 28,795,002,880 as she stares us down with madness in her eyes, then flips us the bird and walks out of the room like a boss.)
Oscar: Way to go, Sasha.
Cathy: Yeah, thanks a ton, Sasha. I was winning that game.
Sasha: My bad………… that was fire, though.
Oscar & Cathy: Indeed.

Angela ruled the universe despite this being a miserable table that, frankly, was nearly broken. Before Angela did, well, Angela things, none of us could get anything going on Attack From Mars TPA Switch. We were getting rejected on every angle, assuming the ball even made it that far up at all. Usually, it just sort of lobbed into the middle of the midfield. The flippers have NO punching power and the ball is even floatier than most tables. We strongly suspect many of the 60+ delisted pins we’ll be covering in these features are actually unfinished prototypes that never got fine-tuning and were submitted for content approval and not for actual listing. It would explain why the gravity was so wrong, even for TPA. However, before going to press, Cathy discovered that the table plays much better in the standard view. If she could have gotten a super combo, she might have even beaten Angela’s high score. Of course, the only reason to want the Switch version is for the ease of setting up the table view, so this defeats the point.

We can honestly say this is the worst version of Attack From Mars we’ve played, ever. Hands down. Angela came to believe that seal clapping increased the strength of both flippers, but shots off the flippers often gained no speed. She only put up the score she did by playing catch-set-shoot, and then she had to change the camera at the last second to finish the wizard mode. “Bad as it is, the angles are right.” So, it has that going for it. The funny thing is, the worst version of Attack From Mars still further cements how amazing this table is. A version with the wrong gravity and crippled flippers still is fun enough and well designed enough to score straight GOOD ratings from us. Sure, that’s an astonishing drop of two full points, but it’s also the final proof needed that Attack From Mars must be the perfect pinball table if such a terrible port can still be fun.
DELISTED
Type: Solid State – Dot-Matrix Display
Based on Attack From Mars by Bally (1995)
Designer: Brian Eddy
Vice Family High: Angela “ADV” 28,795,002,880
Cathy: GOOD
Sasha The Kid: GOOD
Angela: GOOD
Oscar: GOOD
Scoring Average: 3.0 – Awarded a CLEAN SCORECARD

THE VOTES
attack from mars

Cathy: Pinball FX
Sasha the Kid: Pinball FX
Angela: Pinball FX
Oscar: Pinball FX
Unanimous Decision: Pinball FX wins 4 – 0

The Addams Family on Nintendo Switch Review: Pinball FX AND The Ultra-Rare Pinball Arcade Version

We’re among the very few people that own the Nintendo Switch versions of the Pinball Arcade’s Bally/Williams tables that were listed for a matter of minutes on April 6, 2018 before being delisted. We can’t get confirmation if these even appeared on the New Release list on the Switch’s eShop. We’re pretty sure they didn’t. We’ve also never been able to confirm that anyone bought these. Hey, we didn’t either! Like most digital pinball fans, by the time we found out they’d been listed, they were already long gone. It wasn’t even two hours before they were taken down. So, how’d we get them? After our work on The Pinball Arcade Buyer’s Guide, someone who appreciated our effort sent us copies. From what we hear, more people signed the Declaration of Independence than own these. Weirdly, we don’t have a complete set of TPA tables on Switch. We’re missing Star Trek and AC/DC, both of which are also delisted (and Whoa Nellie & Big Buck Hunter never were released at all). Still, these Bally/Williams pins, released in the normal Pinball Arcade “season” sets, are among the rarest content ever officially released in the history of any Nintendo platform.

These tables are gone, and they are NEVER coming back. There is no way to acquire them. Please do not pester Farsight for them. I’ve independently verified that the review codes no longer exist. We are SO grateful to own these, and yes, we’ve backed them up on memory cards. These will NOT become lost media, I swear it to you. Now, in some cases, we think these might actually be unfinished prototypes which meshes with the whole “we never meant to release these” vibe of TPA on Switch. Cirqus Voltaire and Scared Stiff especially play poorly. BUT, most of the pins play fine, and yes, you can play them in table mode. So, what to do with them? Well, we’re going to pit Pinball FX and The Pinball Arcade head-to-head. Did fans miss out? Apples & Oranges? Only one way to know! We dueled on each table. Now, only the Vices can vote for who won because Elias and Dave can’t play the Pinball Arcade builds, and other versions of these TPA tables aren’t 100% identical to TPA on Switch so Dave’s previous TPA ratings can’t carry over. Since The Pinball Arcade builds are delisted, we’re only comparing to the FX builds, which might highlight where Zen went right, and where they still have room to improve. These are “special features” at the Pinball Chick, but they should also be considered the definitive reviews of each Pinball FX Williams table on Switch.

Thank you Sasha the Kid for your hard work on these. Watch out, people. She has a black belt in Taekwondo now.

THE ADDAMS FAMILY
PINBALL FX FOR NINTENDO SWITCH

Thoughts of a Designer with Dave Sanders: “Learning to ride a bicycle: practice, balance, and more than a little intimidation to begin with. Mishaps and accidents are all but guaranteed. But, once it’s drilled into you, you never really forget. That’s Addams. Actually that defines much of Pat Lawlor’s career. His classics have always taken time to gel with me, and Addams took especially longer than was typical to learn to love (my sense of balance is lousy and Addams has no training wheels). But respect the effort, one eventually does. Zen has captured that pinball journey, that essence of “oh, riiiiiight” absolutely spot-on here with only the FIXABLE electric chair exploit (see below) letting it down. But no, you are still not going to get me to gush later over Lawlor’s ‘masterwork’ which followed up this one, the widebody I certainly admire but can admit to not personally liking that much. That one lies perpetually just beyond the border of the Comfort Zone, and even Rod Serling can only work so many miracles.”

You didn’t really believe us when we said we’d never write another Addams review, did you? As of this writing, Zen still hasn’t fixed the problem with the Electric Chair on Nintendo Switch. It allows players to cheese the doors by taking a dead flip from the chair and allowing the ball to hop from the left flipper to the right, at which point, 19 out of 20 times it’ll roll-up the switch and light the electric chair. It’s an easy conversion shot to take, too. Maybe the only easy shot on the whole table. Now, if you use this trick and don’t move off it, you’re not going to score a ton of points and, eventually, Seance will wreck your rhythm anyway. But, this trick can get you to the wizard in record time (Angela has done it in under two minutes). While this dead flip roll can happen on a real life Addams pin, it’s very rare, which is the only reason why Addams’ average rating fell over half-a-point on Switch. Patch this out and Addams has at least four MASTERPIECE votes coming and a shot at the Pantheon otherwise. Addams on Switch is still a Certified Excellent table that shoots fantastically on Nintendo’s platform, but it needs that last bit of fine tuning. Oh, and when they do it, they need to reset the leaderboards, even if this will cost Oscar his Arcade Mode world record. Which would be especially hilarious because he didn’t use the exploit. Put a smile on our faces, Zen. Well, five out of the six of us.😈
Stand Alone Release ($9.99)
Type: Solid State – Dot-Matrix Display
Based on The Addams Family by Bally (1992)
Designer: Pat Lawlor
Conversion: Zoltan “Pazo” Pataki
Duel Winner: Angela
Cathy: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Sasha the Kid: GREAT
Angela: GREAT
Oscar: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Dave: GREAT
Elias: GOOD
Scoring  Average 3.66 – Awarded a CERTIFICATE OF EXCELLENCE
FX Difference: 0.54 Less
TPA Difference: 0.25 Less

THE PINBALL ARCADE ON NINTENDO SWITCH
THE ADDAMS FAMILY COMPARISON

Pinball FX
The Pinball Arcade

The Pinball Arcade version of Addams Family on Switch does indeed include the option for the Gold version (Special Collector’s Edition) of the table and its extra modes. We opted to play the gold version on TPA. Playing on two different engines back-to-back is a trip, and in the case of Addams, I wish everyone could feel the difference. Sometimes it’s like playing pinball on the moon, but Angela insists the actual shooting angles off the flippers are accurate enough that her muscle memory from real tables mostly works. Then she proved it by lighting us up. Her first ball on Addams TPA for Switch was better than any of our best Addams games on Switch, in any mode, even if you subtract the points from the extra modes. “The swamp cross-shot (Thing Flips without the automation) is clockable on TPA, as it is in real life. Sometimes it feels like Zen believes if players get good at making shots, there must be something wrong with their build, so they ‘fix it’ by adding artificial unpredictability to every shot to correct a problem that doesn’t exist. People get good at pinball. That’s how it’s supposed to work. TPA has just as many house balls as Zen, or a real Addams table. That’s Addams Family! But on TPA, if my read of the approaching ball is right and my timing is right, I’m certain the ball will go into the swamp locker. I can’t say that about the Pinball FX version. I can hit the ball approaching at the same speed off the same spot on the flipper, and sometimes it goes in and sometimes doesn’t. That’s just not as fun.”

She’s not wrong. We think it’s more the spin and inertia of the ball, which has never been even slightly life-like since Pinball FX 4 launched, that makes it harder to clock. Zen is great at making tables that look real life, but the ball is not a normal pinball. Wonky as the gravity in TPA is, the ball behaves predictably, and that matters on a rebounding-centric table like Addams. However, let it be said that Zen’s version of the magnets absolutely ANNIHILATES the awful TPA version, which is why FX won Sasha’s vote.
DELISTED
Type: Solid State – Dot-Matrix Display
Based on The Addams Family Special Collector’s Edition by Bally (1994)
Designer: Pat Lawlor
Vice Family High: Angela “ADV” 978,008,970
Cathy: GREAT
Sasha The Kid: GREAT
Angela: MASTERPIECE  (5 out of 5)
Oscar: GOOD
Scoring Average: 4.0 – Awarded a CERTIFICATE OF EXCELLENCE

THE VOTES

Cathy: The Pinball Arcade*
Sasha the Kid: Pinball FX
Angela: The Pinball Arcade
Oscar: The Pinball Arcade*
Split Decision: The Pinball Arcade wins 3 – 1
*Oscar and Cathy are both switching votes if the chair exploit is fixed.

Earthshaker – Pinball FX Quick Thoughts.

UPDATE: Dave Sanders, our resident designer/expert, believes what happened in this clip is what’s called a “slam tilt.” Basically, Zen Studios made the shaking too violent and too non-stop. Even though the game is a simulation of a real table, they accounted for the tilt mechanism, and since it shakes more than a real life table, it activated the slam tilt which reboots the ROM back to the attract screen. Zen, you need to disable the slam tilt in the ROM.

How’s this for quick thoughts on Earthshaker for Pinball FX? This is literally the second game we’d played of Earthshaker. Two games in, and this happened:

Two games and doing nothing but playing the table and hitting shots caused the ROM to reset back to the attract screen, ending the game. We’re not the only ones who have experienced this either. Does anyone play test at Zen Studios anymore? Black Knight 2000 and Banzai Run both are supposed to give you an extra ball when you score 4.5 Million (Black Knight) or 1.8 million (Banzai Run). Neither extra ball happens. It takes like, at most, ten  minutes of average skill gameplay to find that out. This is getting so tiring. You know, Zen Studios, maybe it’s not just the double dipping on pricing of legacy tables or pinball pass that caused the users to evaporate. Maybe casual fans are annoyed that they buy the tables NOW but they won’t be in full working order until later. And even that’s not a certainty. I mean, it’s been how long since Sky Pirates released? Or Jurassic World, which dumps balls straight down the drain. So this Earthshaker glitch doesn’t surprise me. I want to say “I expect better from Zen Studios.” It’s what I would have said in 2020. I wouldn’t say it anymore, because I don’t expect better from them. This is exactly what I expect.

UDKO9214

This is a tailspin I don’t see Zen pulling out of because all signs point to it getting worse and worse. With this crash from Earthshaker, all three Williams 8 tables have super frustrating annoyances (the missing extra balls in the previous tables really lessen the enjoyment of those pins makes it feel like Zen simply does not give a f*ck). Nobody wants to bitch about glitches. I don’t. I love Zen Studios’ pinball. But a non-working game is a non-working game, and I don’t want to invest time in any table that has a random chance of ending in the middle of the game. I’ve lost world record games to glitches before, and because I contend on leaderboards, that really feels like a punch to the gut. That’s the whole point, right? To score a lot of points? And yet, I’ve experienced more anger from Pinball FX “fans” than I have any sense of comradery. I don’t get this “so what if it’s glitchy?” mentality. This is the same company that got pissy at content creators who were using Visual Pinball and PinMAME because it was stealing games they owned the right to, for free. But the paid product Zen offers is unstable and kind of bad these days. Especially when new tables come out.  To you “fans” who get angry at any glitch report, I ask you “do you want Zen Studios to go belly-up?” Because studios that can’t put out working games don’t last. No matter how long they’ve been around. Getting angry at people reporting bugs is like an automotive fan getting angry at the driver because their car spontaneously exploded while driving down the freeway. What are you mad at THEM for when they were just doing what the product is supposed to do?

Quick Thoughts: Black Knight 2000 for Pinball FX

Hey everyone, and sorry for the lack of pinball updates. The Christmas season was a busy one, but this weekend we’re going to sit down and play the three new tables for Pinball FX more in-depth and begin posting new pinball reviews here. We already put quality time into Black Knight 2000.

In Pinball Arcade, Black Knight was in my top 10 (out of 100 tables). It’s not in the top ten for Pinball FX. The physics are just too.. wrong. In real life, balls do not rev-up just by touching a flipper that’s attempting to perform a trap and bounce to the left. They just don’t, but Zen Studios seems bound and determined to prevent ball control above all else. It’s like they have some kind of moral objection to the way pinball is played and change ball behavior to prevent high-level play. But their tables are never better for it. I have no idea why they did that, but I miss being able to do basic pinball moves like, you know, catching the ball. It speaks volumes to how strong a table Black Knight 2000 is that it’s still going to be Certified Excellent, but it’s nowhere near as good as the Pinball Arcade build. I’m rating it GREAT, and so are the rest of my family except Sasha, who rated it MASTERPIECE and thinks this is one of the best Williams pins on FX. She also put up the #13 score on PRO mode on the leaderboards. The 9 year old absolutely demolished us in the duel we had. A rematch is coming, and vengeance shall be ours. Plus, we’ll be playing Banzai Run and Earthshaker.

Golly, Banzai Run’s vertical mode has some lightning-fast physics. I played a couple rounds when it launched and I’m terrified to return.

Xena: Warrior Princess (Pinball FX Table Review)

Xena Warrior Princess BackglassXena: Warrior Princess
First Released May 16, 2024
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX
Designed by Anna Lengyel
Set: Universal TV Classics ($14.99)
Special Consideration – Half-Broken Physics Options: Xena has a problem specifically limited to the “normal physics” setting in both the main modes (Classic & Arcade) and all four challenge modes. The left ramp (the third shot from the left, with the wooden bridge) has something horribly wrong with it. It’s one of the most reject-heavy ramps in Pinball FX and there’s no rhyme or reason when it will work, but it absolutely won’t work from a trapped ball shot dead solid perfect at full speed at it. The ball stops before getting to the top of the shot and is flung back down. The most basic, tried-and-true shot you can make in pinball, even if the shot literally can’t be more accurate, still doesn’t work. This is NOT affecting our overall rating of Xena, which we’re awarding our Certificate of Excellence to, but please note our review applies ONLY to “realistic physics” at this time. We consider “normal physics” played in any mode on Xena to be OUT OF ORDER. This should be an easy to spot and easy to fix patch for Zen Studios. But please be careful not to damage anything while fixing it, Zen, because right now this thing plays so good. Might want to give a longer grace period on the kickbacks, though. And tone them back too. And give Anna a high five, because she earned it with this one.

What a turnaround Xena made. Upon release, it was basically unplayable. Thanks to patchwork, the maddening difficulty was toned way the hell down, and the end result is Xena is now unquestionably one of 2024’s best pins. Let’s get the problematic aspects out of the way first. The kickbacks aren’t well done because of Zen’s continued insistence that they be violent, unpredictable trash fires. Go through all the trouble of lighting both kickbacks only to have the ball go down an outlane, be launched out and go down the OTHER outlane, be kicked back out and straight down the opposite outlane. Instances of both kickbacks being lost from a single triggering is high enough that it feels deliberate. The mini-table is, like so many Zen mini-tables, circular in shape and boring. It’s like they have a cookie-cutter template for these things, because they feel so samey and usually have similar objectives regardless of the theme of the pin.

Signature Mode – Caesar Roman Assault: Holy crap! Look at all those cardboard targets! There’s no way this has any sense of grace to it, right? WRONG! The placement is as perfect as a spam-it-all target gets. Ironically, even though you’re shooting enough people to count as a “crowd” there’s absolutely no crowding! There’s also no blocking, so there’s multiple safe angles for each target. Instead, the challenge is from the sheer volume of targets and the fact that the offensive-oriented Xena temporarily becomes a pick ‘n flick-style defensive shooter. There are lethal angles to the targets, but in that good, pinball type of way. Really nice. We all really loved this mode.

Finally, and this is a weird one that my friends and family mostly disagreed with: I didn’t find the Chakram that exciting of a shot. I have no clue why that is, either, because by all rights this should be one of the stronger skillshots and gameplay elements in Pinball FX, but it just didn’t “do it” for me. Maybe because there’s a similar shot in Marvel’s Women of Power: A-Force that just does the same thing better. Sometimes these things are inexplicable. But, with all that said, whoa! Xena is chalked-full of fantastic orbits, unique modes, thrilling shots, and some of the best uses of cardboard targets in Pinball FX. The sheer volume of cardboard targets in the above mode is jaw dropping, but the angles they take aren’t designed to ice your ball. In fact, this is one of the few modern Zen tables that doesn’t feel mostly defensive in nature. This is a SHOOTERS pin, and that’s such a breath of fresh air. Even the grind isn’t that bad, and when modes require a little too many shots, at least the payouts aren’t ridiculously back-loaded. In fact, I think Xena’s rule sheet might be its greatest triumph. The scoring is fine-tuned to scientific perfection in a way that would make Lyman Sheats proud. Anna Lengyel’s Homeworld is going to be lambasted by us, but it’s Xena that proves that she’s an elite pinball designer.
Cathy: MASTERPIECE (5 out of 5)
Angela: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Oscar: MASTERPIECE
Jordi: GREAT
Sasha: GREAT
Dash: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Elias: GOOD (Nintendo Switch)
Primary Pinball FX Scoring Average: 4.16 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜
Nintendo Switch Scoring Average: 4.2 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜

Pictured: something not as exciting as you would hope. Makes for a fun track toy, though. This is kin to Getaway’s supercharger, but not a SHOT that you have to factor in.

Doctor Strange (Pinball FX Table Review)

Doctor Strange
First Released December 17, 2013
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX
Designed by Ivan “Mad_Boy” Nicoara
Set: Marvel Pinball Collection 1 ($23.99)
Links: Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki 
One of the more life-like tables in terms of layout.. OR IS IT? Instead of using a diverter, the left ramps magically change direction, splitting apart and merging again. Neato.

Doctor Strange’s table is a strange one, indeed. Lots of conventional angles and smooth-sailing orbits make this enjoyable enough as a finesse shooter’s table. It’s too bad it can’t just give you the ball when it starts a mode. It has to violently spit the ball out so that it ricochets around, and sometimes it’ll just drop straight down the drain. Come on, enough of that. Seriously, at one point, I had a two ball multiball where both balls were shot directly from the VUKs down the drain, then I had to watch as the balls got stuck in the plunger. Absurdly, that’s not even Doctor Strange’s biggest issue. That would be the short amount of time you get to complete modes. They just don’t give you long enough for a table that has ball movement this loose, and one that deliberately eats up time before you even get your first shot. You could have as little as one shot at each ramp, and if the ball finds its way to the bumpers, you’re probably going to fail the mode. This is one of those tables where Zen desperately needs to go back and redo the rules completely from scratch. They can do an entire advertising campaign about having updated the ROMs for the tables. Nobody is saying “erase the old version forever.” We ain’t George Lucas. No, keep it up and call the reworked versions “The 2025 Builds” or something like that.

Signature Mode – Baron Mordo: One of the most fun modes on a middling table, five portals open in the middle of the midfield. When you shoot them, the ball teleports to the corresponding portal and completes the orbit at super speed, complete with sound effects right out of a 1960s Hanna-Barbera cartoon. It’s so cheesy and we all love it. We just wish it gave you another ten seconds to make each shot.

Doctor Strange features better than decent modes, mind you, and I especially enjoy how each has its own two shot driver. ONLY TWO SHOTS? Are we SURE this is a Zen table? Sure, they overvalued the modes to finish them, which feels like an over-correction so that players avoid chopping wood with combos. The layout is fine, which is why the modes need fixing. It wouldn’t require a lot of work for Zen to go in, add time to the modes (double, at least) and then cut their value by maybe 25%. There’s a marvelous table in here, and combos are such a cinch to shoot that you can veg out. I just wish the mechanics were more forgiving and/or less aggressive. On the positive side, this is easily the cheesiest table in Pinball FX. It’s so wildly cartoonish that it’s honestly more charming than most recent Marvel Cinematic Universe films and media combined, including the second Doctor Strange movie. The layout is fine. It might lean a little too heavily into defense, but with the smooth shooting combos, it’s easy to relight the kickbacks. Everything comes back to the timer and the fact that Doctor Strange is too aggressive with its multiball serves. They turn what should be one of the elite Marvel pins into a table located firmly in the middle of the pack.
Cathy: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Angela: GOOD
Oscar: GOOD
Jordi: GOOD
Sasha: GOOD
Scoring Average: 3.0 🧹CLEAN SCORECARD🧹
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Darth Vader (Pinball FX Table Review)

Darth Vader
First Released October 15, 2013
Main Set: Pinball FX
Switch Set: Star Wars Pinball
Designed by Ivan “Mad_Boy” Nicoara
Set: Star Wars Pinball Collection 1 ($23.99)
Links: Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
Be afraid. Be very afraid. In Darth Vader, every shot is high risk, yet this is a table made in the days before Zen started a crusade against ball control. This is a table that says “I DARE YOU TO CATCH AND SHOOT!” That’s tough enough without trollish ball returns. Had this table been made today, they’d aim the orbits at the drain and Darth Vader would be among the worst pins ever made. Hopefully if they take my advice to go back and rework the rule sheets for their old tables, their design staff doesn’t take that as a cue to break the tables. I literally mean “just fix the rules.” In fact, now I’m actually reconsidering this whole “rework the old pins” thing. I’m getting a weird “monkey’s paw where your wish has unexpected consequences” vibe. “Wish granted! Every pin will now be remade.. by Daniel ‘Dolby’ Vigh!” “NOOOOOOOOO!”

Darth Vader is maddeningly difficult, and also one of my favorite tables among the Star Wars tables. I ranked it #1 among the pins included in the Nintendo Switch compilation Star Wars Pinball, which is pretty much all the Star Wars pins in this feature except Classic Collectables and Mandalorian. Enough time has passed and enough replays have happened that I no longer believe that, and actually I’m not even rating Darth Vader a MASTERPIECE. Still top five among the Star Wars pins? I think so, but that’s mostly because there’s nothing quite like it anywhere in the pinball world. The unconventional angles, especially shots off the left flipper, are some of the most nail-biting tight squeezes I’ve seen on any pin. It’s a table where it’s hard to get into a rhythm because the shots themselves are so difficult. Especially the bat flipper, which is essentially an invisible Ritchie Loop. Or maybe it’s the brutal toe shot with minimum clearance that must travel the full length of the table.

Signature Mode – Darth Vader Assembly: Players are given the option to start a game of Darth Vader in what is the only easy aspect of the entire table. You have to shoot zone-style magnetic targets which capture the ball and score a million points a pop. It’s an easy ten million points, which is a LOT of points in this specific pin. There’s no time limit to this mode and the only real catch is that Darth Vader in general has a short ball save, so it’s not completely unlikely you would die during this mode. So what? There’s no logical reason anyone should skip it. You only lose out on one skill shot chance, which is only worth 500,000 points and gives you a crack at an even more difficult super skill shot for a million points. 1.5 million or 10 million. Hmmmmm. If you want your pins to be story-driven, Zen, just f’n do it! Don’t be wishy-washy about it! Stand by your convictions!

The above segment isn’t why I’m dropping my score of Darth Vader. It’s that Darth Vader’s modes require too many shots done with too much precision. It’s not even the checklist itself. There’s set-up shots that put the ball in position to make the check mark that also require complete precision. This on a table that is arguably the toughest-shooting good table in Pinball FX. There’s a reason why Darth Vader’s leaderboard features significantly lower scores than other tables. It’s because even pros would struggle to heat-up on this one. Some of the modes are so out of reach they feel nearly impossible, like an intern accidentally input the wrong number and they just left it in. Like in a mode where the bumpers need to be hit 30 times in 60 seconds. Bumpers being those things that are out of the players hands. A running gag with me and IGC reviews is that I have unfathomably bad RNG luck. Well, in the final check before this review, I played twenty games of Darth Vader, and whenever I wasn’t on a bumper-specific mode, the ball would bang around for several seconds. BUT, whenever I actually needed to hit the bumpers, usually the ball would hit one then fall back to the flippers. In fact, that happens to me all the time with bumper-based modes a lot in Pinball FX and Pinball M. When they’re in the spotlight, they suddenly become shy.

Signature Mode – Trench Run: This mode WOULD be fun, but it goes too long and takes too much effort to unlock. Also, Pinball FX crashed during this after I’d shot down multiple ships. Like, I was kind of stunned by how many I’d shot down and the mode was still going when my Xbox Series X just said “nope” and I lost my game. I was on the 3rd ball with my highest score up to this point, around 80,000,000 points with 99M as the world record. That made two record runs I lost in a single week from a crash or a glitch. If that hasn’t earned me getting an achievement named after me in a future update, I don’t know what will.

It’s also worth noting that Darth Vader is not a table well suited to having a timer at all. Some of the shots, like the Super Jackpot, have a rail that doesn’t have the proper slope or any means to accelerate the ball. One time I valleyed the ball, which inched along the rear habitrail so slowly that it ate up the entire time limit of a mode all by itself. I have argued and will continue to argue that Zen could shut up everyone who complains about re-buying the old tables by completely overhauling the rule sheets. In the case of Darth Vader, this doesn’t feel like a luxury. It feels like something that NEEDS to happen because this table is f’n impossible. Oscar argues that if any table can get away with grindy, brutally difficult modes, it’s Darth Vader. He also concedes that, despite keeping his MASTERPIECE rating, they went overboard. Uh, yeah?! I still think as a pinball experience, Darth Vader is unique enough and the right kind of tough (in terms of shooting, not the modes themselves) that it’s, at minimum, a GREAT table. If you’re a fan of quick-draw sharpshooters, this might actually be Zen’s best table ever. Hell, even the scoring, ridiculously conservative as it is, seems to be well-balanced and spot-on. So, GREAT? Yep. In the discussion for best the Star Wars table? Not at all. Battle of Mimban and Clone Wars are a galaxy far, far away from it.
Cathy: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Angela: GREAT
Oscar: MASTERPIECE (5 out of 5)
Jordi: GREAT
Sasha: GREAT
Elias: GOOD (3 out of 5, Star Wars Pinball)
Overall Scoring Average: 4.0 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜
Star Wars Pinball Scoring Average: 4.0 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜
Primary Scoring Average: 4.2 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Curse of the Mummy (Pinball FX Table Review)

Curse of the Mummy
Pinball FX Debuting Pin
First Released February 16, 2023
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Not Yet Released
Designed by Anna Lengyel & Peter Grafl
Set: Zen Secrets & Shadows Pack ($14.99)
Links: Pinball FX Wiki
I kind of wish that Zen went all-out on original ideas like this one. I mean, it’s not ENTIRELY original. Hell, when I was a little kid, one of our computers had an Egyptian-themed pinball table that I always thought was part of the 3D Ultra Pinball line, but upon further research, I’m now almost certain it was called The Tomb. Anyway, more of this, Zen.

After years of developing tables based on classic Williams/Bally pins and licensed properties like Star Wars or Marvel, I find it comforting that Zen will still crank out generic themes that feel like something a lower-budget competitor would make. I’m not knocking that. I LOVE IT, because this lets them stretch their legs and come up with some inventive ideas using boilerplate themes. Curse of the Mummy hearkens back to a time when video pinball centered around tropes like Ancient Egypt or UFOs or Haunted Houses. The classics are classics for a reason. We originally had Cursed of the Mummy pegged as an instant-classic, but the VUK spitting the ball directly at the drain, and the waterfall that carries a ball down the drain? Yea, that became annoying, especially when you can’t really nudge to defend against it, and sometimes the VUK spits the ball out with just enough wobble to miss the flippers entirely and go right down the drink. Thankfully, following some patch work, they bandaged the table with an invisible ball save if the ball is bouncing around the bumpers or any other targets that hang directly above the drain. Using ball save to patch problematic design is the refuge of the desperate, but we’ll take it.

Signature Mode – Maze Blaze: A traditional light-chasing mode with a delightful twist. The inlanes have lit torches that ignite the ball, which you then use to light torches. To really sell it, the lighting changes to give the mode a darker, more foreboding tone. It’s WONDERFUL! The theme might be generic, but Anna Lengyel & Peter Grafl went all-out with it.

I really like the rest of the layout for Curse of the Mummy. A very classic design that has no driver, yet multiple thrilling shots. The Pyramid ramp that doubles as a jump-ramp AND a lock? Inspired. Both mini-tables in the upper corners have sharp, nail-biting angles on their shot selection, but they work really well too. Pretty much all the standard modes are fantastic. In addition to the great balls of fire in the above caption, there’s ones where a colony of scarabs flood the playfield and a couple modes that involve shooting clay tablets. Curse of the Mummy is also tailored especially well for multiball, which is a true rarity among tables that debuted in Pinball FX. It even has an old-fashioned video mode with a DMD display, even though Curse of the Mummy features an LCD scoreboard. It goes so far towards helping with the retro vibe. The funny thing is, Curse of the Mummy is packed with Pinball Noir, but that table doesn’t feel like a modern table with old fashioned sensibilities. Mummy does.

Signature Element – The Upper Playfield: Curse of the Mummy’s corners feature not one, not three, but TWO completely different mini-fields, both of which have a variety of shots. It’s insane how much action is squeezed into such a little space. They try this a lot in Pinball FX and Pinball M, often with disastrous results (see Star Trek: Discovery for an example of a mini-field gone horribly wrong). Curse of the Mummy’s mini-fields don’t feel like they fundamentally halt the table’s flow. The claustrophobic space works well with the monster theme, but it’s the transition from the mini-fields to the main playfield that makes these work. It’s pretty much instantaneous, making it feel like part of a greater whole instead of a completely different pinball-like thing growing out of the table like a tumor. Fantastic job!

There’s a second video mode where you have to catch falling balls of light that goes too long and it’s awful, but that’s really the table’s one and only stinker. There’s also typical Zen problems with grinding, but the shot selection is fun enough that it takes the edge off that. Post patch, the biggest complaint is probably just mild scoring imbalance issues, as some of the easier modes pay off too much compared to more difficult modes. There’s also almost no consideration for how much work goes into activating a mode in the scoring balance. But, that’s nit-picky, and Curse of the Mummy certainly isn’t guilty of anything that could be said about 90% of Zen’s work. A bigger question is “did the bandages they put on Curse of the Mummy to fix the house ball problem go too far?” Dad certainly thinks so. “You can deliberately let the ball drain off the waterfall and/or bumpers in order to get a more playable ball from the left VUK.” He’s not wrong, but at the same time, he admits that’s better than burning all your tilt warnings on a common ball path. The whole ball save thing didn’t bother me at all. I’m all for doing whatever it takes to make tables fair. Curse of the Mummy is proof that it’s a good thing, because the table was pretty mediocre before the patch. Now, we’re giving it an award. The irony that bandages helped a mummy-themed table isn’t lost on me.
Cathy: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Angela: GREAT
Oscar: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Jordi: GREAT
Sasha: GREAT
Overall Scoring Average: 3.8 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.