Author: Indie Gamer Chick

Indie game reviews and editorials.

Curse of the Mummy (Pinball FX Table Review)

Curse of the Mummy
Pinball FX Debuting Pin
First Released February 16, 2023
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Not Yet Released
Designed by Anna Lengyel & Peter Grafl
Set: Zen Secrets & Shadows Pack ($14.99)
Links: Pinball FX Wiki
I kind of wish that Zen went all-out on original ideas like this one. I mean, it’s not ENTIRELY original. Hell, when I was a little kid, one of our computers had an Egyptian-themed pinball table that I always thought was part of the 3D Ultra Pinball line, but upon further research, I’m now almost certain it was called The Tomb. Anyway, more of this, Zen.

After years of developing tables based on classic Williams/Bally pins and licensed properties like Star Wars or Marvel, I find it comforting that Zen will still crank out generic themes that feel like something a lower-budget competitor would make. I’m not knocking that. I LOVE IT, because this lets them stretch their legs and come up with some inventive ideas using boilerplate themes. Curse of the Mummy hearkens back to a time when video pinball centered around tropes like Ancient Egypt or UFOs or Haunted Houses. The classics are classics for a reason. We originally had Cursed of the Mummy pegged as an instant-classic, but the VUK spitting the ball directly at the drain, and the waterfall that carries a ball down the drain? Yea, that became annoying, especially when you can’t really nudge to defend against it, and sometimes the VUK spits the ball out with just enough wobble to miss the flippers entirely and go right down the drink. Thankfully, following some patch work, they bandaged the table with an invisible ball save if the ball is bouncing around the bumpers or any other targets that hang directly above the drain. Using ball save to patch problematic design is the refuge of the desperate, but we’ll take it.

Signature Mode – Maze Blaze: A traditional light-chasing mode with a delightful twist. The inlanes have lit torches that ignite the ball, which you then use to light torches. To really sell it, the lighting changes to give the mode a darker, more foreboding tone. It’s WONDERFUL! The theme might be generic, but Anna Lengyel & Peter Grafl went all-out with it.

I really like the rest of the layout for Curse of the Mummy. A very classic design that has no driver, yet multiple thrilling shots. The Pyramid ramp that doubles as a jump-ramp AND a lock? Inspired. Both mini-tables in the upper corners have sharp, nail-biting angles on their shot selection, but they work really well too. Pretty much all the standard modes are fantastic. In addition to the great balls of fire in the above caption, there’s ones where a colony of scarabs flood the playfield and a couple modes that involve shooting clay tablets. Curse of the Mummy is also tailored especially well for multiball, which is a true rarity among tables that debuted in Pinball FX. It even has an old-fashioned video mode with a DMD display, even though Curse of the Mummy features an LCD scoreboard. It goes so far towards helping with the retro vibe. The funny thing is, Curse of the Mummy is packed with Pinball Noir, but that table doesn’t feel like a modern table with old fashioned sensibilities. Mummy does.

Signature Element – The Upper Playfield: Curse of the Mummy’s corners feature not one, not three, but TWO completely different mini-fields, both of which have a variety of shots. It’s insane how much action is squeezed into such a little space. They try this a lot in Pinball FX and Pinball M, often with disastrous results (see Star Trek: Discovery for an example of a mini-field gone horribly wrong). Curse of the Mummy’s mini-fields don’t feel like they fundamentally halt the table’s flow. The claustrophobic space works well with the monster theme, but it’s the transition from the mini-fields to the main playfield that makes these work. It’s pretty much instantaneous, making it feel like part of a greater whole instead of a completely different pinball-like thing growing out of the table like a tumor. Fantastic job!

There’s a second video mode where you have to catch falling balls of light that goes too long and it’s awful, but that’s really the table’s one and only stinker. There’s also typical Zen problems with grinding, but the shot selection is fun enough that it takes the edge off that. Post patch, the biggest complaint is probably just mild scoring imbalance issues, as some of the easier modes pay off too much compared to more difficult modes. There’s also almost no consideration for how much work goes into activating a mode in the scoring balance. But, that’s nit-picky, and Curse of the Mummy certainly isn’t guilty of anything that could be said about 90% of Zen’s work. A bigger question is “did the bandages they put on Curse of the Mummy to fix the house ball problem go too far?” Dad certainly thinks so. “You can deliberately let the ball drain off the waterfall and/or bumpers in order to get a more playable ball from the left VUK.” He’s not wrong, but at the same time, he admits that’s better than burning all your tilt warnings on a common ball path. The whole ball save thing didn’t bother me at all. I’m all for doing whatever it takes to make tables fair. Curse of the Mummy is proof that it’s a good thing, because the table was pretty mediocre before the patch. Now, we’re giving it an award. The irony that bandages helped a mummy-themed table isn’t lost on me.
Cathy: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Angela: GREAT
Oscar: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Jordi: GREAT
Sasha: GREAT
Overall Scoring Average: 3.8 📜CERTIFIED EXCELLENT📜
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Crypt of the NecroDancer (Pinball FX Table Review)

Crypt of the Necrodancer BackglassCrypt of the NecroDancer
Pinball FX Debuting Pin
First Released April 13, 2023
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX
Designed by Gergely ’Gary’ Vadocz
Stand Alone Release ($5.49 MSRP)
Links: Pinball FX Wiki
For all the crap I’m about to give Crypt of the NecroDancer Pinball, it received a Clean Scorecard from my team. A very difficult task, especially considering that all six “Primary” Pinball FX players (IE non-Nintendo Switch) submitted a rating and nobody thought it deserved less than a GOOD rating. My team consists of three millennials/Gen-Xers, a 75 year old retiree, and two children. All of us gave it a positive rating. This is a quality pin. Now, whether or not it reached its fullest potential is another matter.

Based on the indie stalwart that I’ve never really played, because my ability to keep a beat is right up there with my ability to do a Vince Carter 360 windmill jam. Thankfully, you don’t HAVE to be able to keep a beat in this pinball take on it, even though the game talks about it. Really, you just have to shoot whichever shot is lit and/or then shoot the shots where a C (for COMBO) is lit, which builds the coin multiplier, which increases the value of shots, defeated enemies, and bosses. Instead of thinking of this as a rhythm pinball game, think of it as musical chairs pinball. You just have to beat the modes before the music runs out. Jordi said this shares more DNA with something like Safe Cracker than it does with the indie it’s based off of, and he’s right. Now, we rank Safe Cracker second-to-last behind only Han Solo as the worst overall Pinball FX table, so that might sound like a bad thing. It’s not. The only difference is when the time runs out in Safe Cracker, you don’t automatically lose the game. Here, the ball dies if you haven’t completed the current task before the music stops. There’s no overtime, and that absolutely sucks. And what’s especially lousy is they have a perfectly logical penalty already in place. When you finish the mode, whatever music is left can be spent shooting jackpots or entering the store to spend diamonds. Missing out on that is punishment enough. You don’t have to kill them too. It’s rude!

Signature Element – Digital Targets: A few Pinball FX and Pinball M tables use what we’ve dubbed “digital targets.” Moving characters that aren’t cardboard targets, usually in the form of full characters. World War Z, Solo, Chucky’s Killer Pinball, and so forth have them. Crypt has probably the best ones. They’re not spongy, which is a major plus. In fact, this is one of the least grindy tables in Pinball FX. Except for collecting diamonds. That’s grindy, needlessly risky, and boring.

Mind you, there’s no actual numeric timer, which would be a nice concession for hearing-impaired players. That’s why it’s especially funny that I played a lot better when I muted the game (I often play all games muted) and just shot like I would any other table. I even broke five out of six available records on the Nintendo Switch version without hearing a single note. Angela, who wears headphones and listens to music when she plays pinball, was also frustrated by the lack of a visual timer. The layout is simple, with the highlight being digital targets based on enemies from the indie game that you smack. The digital targets are an absolute joy to shoot. They never feel like a chore. The orbits are all satisfying to hit. But, there’s so many needlessly merciless moments. Like the diamonds. I’ve had many instances where I broke the brick that was hiding them and made the collection, only it then dropped the ball straight down the f’n drain. Off a made, incentivized shot. Crypt should have been an all-time classic in the annals of Zen Studios, but it’s merely okay because of wanton cruelty. The slingshots aren’t necessarily lethal, but they do burn off a lot of time. It’s not rare at all for the ball to get stuck in an extended volley between them. It looks like the slingshots are playing hot potato with each-other. Crypt doesn’t exactly feel lifelike, as the ball feels both too heavy while also gliding around like a hockey puck, and sometimes that’s good and sometimes that’s bad.

Signature Mode – Mini Table: I love the idea here, but the execution spoils the fun. It’s like a dueling pinball where the gravity reverses at the midway point of the table, and you’re trying to shoot the opponent’s drain. But, the physics are rough as hell. When the ball drains on your side, it’s supposed to be pushed back up into play, presumably by a burst of air. But sometimes the mechanism or physics fail and the ball falls immediately back down into the drain. Maybe it’ll go up and down without curving towards the flippers, but more often it doesn’t even clear the drain before it goes back down, costing you more chances if it’s a bonus room or your health if it’s the third boss. This isn’t something you could have flipped to save. The ball didn’t even make it that high. It’s literally inside the drain when whatever happens causes it to fall again. This happens constantly, and I try not to get angry at this type of thing, but this one got me because it’s just so lazy. Plus, it didn’t need to be this way in the first place. When the ball drains, the ball could have been teleported to the lane and the player loses health or chances, or have a VUK in the corner that spits the ball back out. Those options come with zero risk of mechanical or physics engine failure. No player can ever become frustrated by it and rendered less likely to purchase more Pinball FX tables. But, instead of doing that, nah, just a little puff of air that may or may not work. It’s one of those design choices so obviously bad that you can practically hear the designer saying “eh, maybe it just pops back up. Or not. Who cares? It’s only pinball!”

The center orbit (third from the left) is where the ball exits the shop, and once in a while, it just drops the ball straight down the drain (this effect is multiplied in the Switch version, where it happens so frequently it’s practically expected). Yes, you can nudge to defend it, but this one of those tables where the angles are tailor-made to push the ball towards the lane rails, and also the automatic ball serve might actually just roll so that you can just barely kiss the ball with the very tip of the flipper. I have no clue why they continuously do this type of thing, but on a table with a strict time limit that wants you to shoot to the beat of the music, shouldn’t the challenge have come from making shots? Even on an experimental table, their designers would rather do everything they can possibly do to prevent you from controlling the ball. They want you to make shots to the beat of the music, but they also want to make it as hard as possible to get off a shot. The absolute worst possible thing is someone holding the ball with the flipper. They couldn’t even let that mentality go this one time on a table that’s trying to do something no pinball table has ever done before. At this point, you have to wonder if Zen Studios design staff hobbles around on crutches on account of their constant shooting themselves in the foot. I wanted to give this a BAD rating because of the hostility towards ball control, but I couldn’t. The targets are too fun. The orbits are. The modes are. They’re so much fun that the story isn’t “Crypt of the NecroDancer barely gets a Clean Scorecard.” It’s “Crypt of the NecroDancer should have entered the Pantheon and it didn’t come close.”
Crypt of the Necro Dancer SmallCathy: GOOD (3 out of 5) THE PITS* on Nintendo Switch (1 out of 5)
Angela: GOOD – (BAD on Nintendo Switch, 2 out of 5)
Oscar: GOOD (GOOD on Nintendo Switch)
Jordi: GOOD
Dash: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Sasha: GREAT (GREAT on Nintendo Switch)
Elias: GREAT (Nintendo Switch)
Primary Scoring Average: 3.33 🧹CLEAN SCORECARD🧹
Switch Scoring Average: 2.8 – GOOD
*On Switch this thing dumps balls down the drain like crazy. Orbits that you can confidently shoot in the primary versions of Pinball FX kill you in this version. It needs work.
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Star Wars: Clone Wars (Pinball FX Table Review)

Clone Wars BackglassClone Wars
First Released February 27, 2013
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Star Wars Pinball
Designed by Ivan “Mad_Boy” Nicoara
Set: Star Wars Pinball Collection 1 ($23.99)
Links: Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
STOP! If you’re not able to play Clone Wars in the vertical table view mode, it will affect your enjoyment. You could probably drop our scoring average by a full point, if not more. Clone Wars already has massive visibility issues due to the loudly busy playfield, but in standard horizontal viewing angles, you just plain can’t see some of the shots. This NEEDS to be viewed like a standard table. It’s criminal that this wasn’t included in their Arcade1Up.

Ah. Clone Wars. You sweet, sweet thing, you. I was actually surprised to learn this is a more polarizing choice for the Pantheon. I mean, it was close for most of us. Myself, Angela, and Jordi would consider this the lowest of any of our MASTERPIECE votes, while only Oscar is tapping his wrist and saying “more of this. Put it in my veins. Nom nom!” Clone Wars features a layout that feels like a real, honest-to-God Stern table, probably more so than any other Zen original. Is it really that hard to imagine this sitting alongside their versions of Godzilla, Guardians of the Galaxy, Iron Maiden, etc? And it’s not that Clone Wars is hated outside of our circle. I’ve never seen anyone say it’s a bad pin. They just don’t think it’s as good as we do. When Elias joined our team and gave it a GOOD rating, we were disappointed, but not surprised. If you had told me “Elias is going to put the screws to one of our Pantheon pins” I would have said “is it Clone Wars?” Any of us would have guessed Clone Wars, but why? Maybe the loud visuals, or the fast running flipper zone, or maybe unforgiving rails and outlanes. Or, perhaps it’s too life-like, and those playing Pinball FX, or Star Wars Pinball on Switch are seeking a more video game-like experience. Well, no, that can be it. This thing has modes that cannot be done in real life. Really, really good modes, at that. There are plenty of reasons to not rate this as an elite pin.

Signature Mode – War on Christophosis: You’ve never seen anything like this in pinball before. In this mode, a gigantic force field that you can’t penetrate from the outside covers the playfield, leaving only two entry points. You have to convert your ball into a bomb, then flick the bomb against the designated targets. A microcosm of Clone Wars in general, the mode is fun and intense, but far too visually loud. I think every player who genuinely wants to make a go at this one will want to experiment with the visual settings, because it’s too damn hard to see what’s going on. On a lesser table, we’d probably score against it. Elias, who didn’t love Clone Wars as much as we did and, in fact, seems to have barely tolerated it, for sure scored against the visuals. And you know what? We can’t argue with him. It’s totally fair.

So, why do most of us rate Clone Wars a MASTERPIECE? Because gameplay is king. Clone Wars is chock-full of unconventionally-angled orbits that are a joy to shoot combos on. And, unlike many Zen finesse pins, it doesn’t grossly overvalue basic orbital combos. Part of why the shots feel so rewarding is Clone Wars is one of Pinball FX’s fastest-running tables, especially around the flippers. Oh and for anyone who read the last several table reviews and thinks I can’t handle mean-spirited outlanes, hey, I think Clone Wars is a MASTERPIECE, and it has serial killers for outlanes. Clone Wars is probably the most difficult Zen original design to enter the Pantheon. I think that’s why a lot of people think we’re nuts for rating it this high. It can be quite unforgiving if you brick your shots, and snap-shots are harder to pull off here than on any other Star Wars table. You need Jedi-like reflexes for this one. On the other hand, this is one of the few Zen tables that awards extra balls automatically. It’s just a shame they didn’t go all the way with “this is a REAL table” concept and have a replay extra ball after a certain point threshold, like say, 60,000,000. Actually, Zen really needs to start adding replay EBs in general. They’re just fun.

Signature Mode – Clone Training: We’re not big fans of Zen’s mini-fields in general, but Clone Wars stands out for having one of the best ones. Or two of the best, really. Spelling TRAINING while shooting targets lights the sinkhole to the mini-fields, which have their own physics that feels more like a handheld novelty game. The flipper gap is huge, which is normally a problem, but even a grazing shot should be enough to save the ball. Like everything else with Clone Wars, there’s too many shots required, but at least it’s fun.

Admittedly, all the modes have the same problems common to Zen’s original pins, IE “why have a mode require six shots when it can require ten? Why ten when it can be twelve?” Like the force field mode above? That’s twelve total shots, assuming you shoot completely perfectly. Six shots to turn the ball into a bomb and six to deliver the payload. I’ve spent a lot of time pondering “what if Zen reduced the required shots in Clone Wars by 40% or so? Would that finally put Clone Wars in the discussion for Zen’s best table?” I honestly don’t know. You can’t know until you experience it firsthand. Clone Wars is in the 99th percentile of Zen pins, and also none of us feel that it’s even within sniffing distance of Mimban. Is Clone Wars an ELITE digital pinball table? Absolutely. It’s one of the best shooters in Pinball FX. Is it one of the best digital-only tables ever made? Now that’s a debate, and it shouldn’t be. Not with a layout THIS good. Not with scoring this balanced. Not with gameplay so elegant. *I* think it’s one of the best, but I can see why someone wouldn’t. Clone Wars might be the ugly duckling of the Pantheon.. but it belongs in the Pantheon.
Clone Wars SmallCathy: MASTERPIECE (5 out of 5)
Angela: MASTERPIECE
Oscar: MASTERPIECE
Jordi: MASTERPIECE
Sasha: MASTERPIECE
Elias: GOOD (3 out of 5, Star Wars Pinball)
Overall Scoring Average: 4.66 🏛️PANTHEON INDUCTEE🏛️
Primary Scoring Average: 5.0 🏛️PANTHEON INDUCTEE🏛️

Star Wars: Classic Collectables (Pinball FX Table Review)

Classic Collectables BackglassClassic Collectables
Pinball FX non-VR Debut
aka Star Wars: Classic Collectables
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX
Designed by Zoltan Vari
Set: Star Wars Pinball: Thrill of the Hunt ($9.99)
Links: Pinball FX Wiki
Classic Collectables is the +1 of a two-pack with the solid and fun SuperPin tribute Mandalorian. Mando is pretty dang good. Classic Collectables is pretty dang bad. Maybe Anakin didn’t balance the Force, but by golly, Zen Studios did! I never understood that whole “balance the Force” thing anyway. When those prequels started, there were like five thousand Jedi and two Sith. By the end, there were two Jedi and two Sith. Mission Accomplished. When Obi-Wan screamed “YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!” Anakin should have yelled back “DUH, and I did exactly what the prophecy said! The Jedi outnumbered the Sith 2,500 to 1! What did you think would happen if I balanced the Force, dummy?”

Classic Collectables, aka Loopity-Loop Mania, is as boring, as repetitive, and as downright nonsensical as pinball gets. Shoot the Death Star loop, then hurry-up and shoot it again, and shoot a toe shot to the left corner while you’re at it. Those are the only shots of any significant consequence on the table. Death Star Loop, toe shot, toe shot. The center loop is the most important one and the key to the whole table. There’s a scoop above the Death Star, and making a shot on it flings three of the old timey Kenner Star Wars action figures onto the table and begins a hurry-up to collect them. You collect them by shooting the same Death Star scoop that activated the mode, then two shots off the corner flipper that you get by activating a manual bridge. When the mode ends, the figures are refreshed. If you have collected opposing toys like, say, Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker, you can duel them against each other in a two ball multiball where the only shots are the toe shots.

Signature Shot – The Death Star Loop: If this worked every time, I probably wouldn’t hate CC as much as I do. But with a physics engine as inconsistent as Pinball FX’s is, sometimes the ball just loses all its momentum before it circles around and completes the shot. For no reason, and it’s sort of out of the player’s hands when it happens. There’s just too much wiggle room for the ball to wobble and miss. Since this shot is how you get the toys, it’s pretty important it work predictably, and it doesn’t.

The idea of collecting action figures would be fun if there were other ways to do it besides this one sequence of shooting this one, frustrating loop, then repeating the shot once along with the two toe shots, but that’s really it. Anything else you can do is a waste of time and energy when the toys yield the most points for the least work, and that’s not even factoring-in risk. The three shots that grab the toys are fairly safe compared to everything else. Even worse: the hurry-up value you score when you collect a figure is imprinted on it, and factors in for the multiball modes that require the figures. Logically, if you miss your shot, it doesn’t make sense to keep shooting it. Just let the timer run out and start again. I mean, why not? Assigning values to the toys would have made so much sense, and not doing so feels like something done to not trigger a screaming match between Star Wars fanatics and the designer. “WHY DID YOU ONLY MAKE DARTH VADER FIVE MILLION POINTS WHEN BOBA FETT SCORES TWELVE MILLION?”

Signature Element – Action Figures: The collecting aspect of CC is the best idea in the worst possible table. There’s even Mortal Kombat 3-like codes you can do with the toys that gives you more time (and thus more possible points) when you shoot the Death Star to actually start collecting them. For example: if you can prevent yourself from collecting the Luke toy AND the Darth Vader toy until you’ve cycled through all the other New Hope and Empire toys so that the Palpatine toy appears, then you get a three-person roster of Luke, Palpy, and Vader, the hurry-up countdown starts at twenty million instead of five million. It’s a neat idea. It’s just too bad the collecting is so repetitive. We’d love to see Zen do another action figure collecting pin, only with increased ways of getting figures. If they get the G.I. Joe license, they should remake this pin with more shots.

Outside of those three shots, there’s really nothing Classic Collectables offers that makes me want to play it. Any other shot is a massive waste of time. And the table offers all kinds of mechanical hang-ups and rejections that don’t feel tied to how you actually shot the ball. Like how depending on the camera you’re using (say, standard view camera #2) the random award cellar might throw the ball right between the flippers. The table is REALLY clunky with how it shoots. We use the term “bricklayer” a lot, perhaps sometimes inaccurately. Classic Collectables is a no-doubt-about-it bricklayer. The shots are so inelegant and so frustrating that, despite one of the most fantastic themes in Pinball FX, there’s nothing likable about actually playing it. The skillshot is needlessly tight and not worth the effort of hitting it. The bat flipper in the corner that’s tied to the two toy shots isn’t precise enough for what it asks of players. The multiball loses its excitement when it’s super easy to just do the high-yielding two-ball duel where the jackpot is the same toe shots you’ve been doing the entire time. In the dueling two-ball multiball, you can fight the same two figures an unlimited amount of times. They should have limited how many times you could duel the same two figures, which would have completely prevented using a multiball to chop wood. But mostly, they needed more methods of collecting figures. It’s not the worst Star Wars pin because Han Solo exists, but the only thing Classic Collectables will collect is dust.
Classic Collectables SmallCathy: THE PITS (1 out of 5)
Angela: THE PITS
Oscar: THE PITS
Jordi: THE PITS
Sasha: THE PITS
Dave: THE PITS (Nintendo Switch)
Elias: THE PITS (Nintendo Switch)
Overall Scoring Average: 1.0 💩CERTIFIED TURD💩
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Civil War (Pinball FX Table Review)

Civil War
First Released November 21, 2012
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Unreleased
Designed by Mate Szeplaki
Set: Marvel Pinball Collection 2 ($29.99 MSRP)
Links: Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
You can tell that the designer was a big fan of the Steve Ritchie classic F-14 Tomcat. Civil War’s center shot pays tribute to the Jagov Kicker from that table. Of course, that table didn’t feel like the outlanes were total serial killers. This one has too much aggression which in turn feeds the slingshots, which feed the outlanes.

Civil War makes me sad, because this should have been one of the best of the Marvel pins. It has some of the most satisfying shots around, with two ramp flippers that completes a delightful shot sequence. God darn it, Civil War is a memorable table with fantastic shot selection. So, why is it among the worst of the Marvel pins? It’s all in the mechanics that are outside of the shots themselves. This is one of those “story-driven” tables that starts with a two ball multiball. There’s no ball save, so about oh, one in three games will end before you even get one single shot at either ball because the balls enter the playfield aggressively, takes a couple bounces or bangs off the slingshots and goes down the outlanes. That applies to every single multiball. Sure, the ball save is on every time but that opening cinematic multiball, but that just means you’ll get to witness the balls have a parade from the chute to the outlane in a way that reminded my father of people riding a water over and over. The VUKs are some of those “blast the ball like a bat out of hell” ones that are so annoying, and there’s two of them that can point at the flippers and slingshots and do that cannon-blast at them. You shouldn’t have to hold your breath for a VUK. You just shouldn’t.

Signature Element – Auto-Shooting: Years and years before Zen’s Knight Rider wowed players with automatic shooting, Civil War was already doing it. When you build up a combo, the CPU takes control and makes a series of shots for you. It hits every shot too. It almost feels like one of those moments in a Sonic game where the character goes off a series of launchers and springs and you, the player, don’t have to touch anything to make it happen. It actually works really well, but everything comes back to those VUKs and slingshots ruining all the fun.

If not for those VUKs, plus overly hostile slingshots, I think this would be hands-down the best of the “Avengers” series of pins. The layout is so good and every shot so rewarding to hit. The modes are great too. Civil War has a fairly ambitious concept of choosing between Iron Man and Captain America and then recruiting 8 other heroes to join your side. You’ll want to play this one using the vertical table view, because sometimes the Iron Man and Captain America digital figures block the view of which shot is lit. This does everything you need to be fun, but on a table with VUKs and slingshots as hostile as Civil War has, it’s all for naught. The slingshots are aimed right out the outlanes, and since the VUKs fire the ball so fast and so violently at the flippers, it’s inevitable the slingshots will come into play. Civil War is one of those pins where it feels like lucky bounces factor in so much more than any amount of skill. Someone should have stepped in and told the designer “the way you’re doing this isn’t better for the table. It just makes it worse with no benefit.” So Civil War is actually pretty crappy, and it didn’t have to be. Instead of being the best Avengers pin, it’s the poster child for Zen needing to go back and redo the mechanics of the old pins. No bad pin has a clearer path towards winning a Certificate of Excellence quite like it.
Cathy: BAD
Angela: BAD
Oscar: BAD
Jordi: BAD
Sasha: BAD
Overall Scoring Average: 2.0 – BAD
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Cirqus Voltaire (Pinball FX Table Review)

Cirqus Voltaire
First Released October, 1997
Zen Build Released December 10, 2019
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX 3
Designed by John Popadiuk
Conversion by Peter “Deep” Grafl
Set: Williams Pinball Collection 2 ($23.99)
Links: Internet Pinball Database Listing – Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
You can choose any of the colors you want for the neon lights. So many of the tables have been modded that it’s tough to tell for sure, but apparently yellow (or possibly red or even white) are the rarest ones in real life. I’ve only ever seen green ones, oddly enough. Maybe that’s all we got in California.

Cirqus Voltaire is a tale of two pins. More than any other table in the Pinball FX lineup, this one feels like the normal display modes and the vertical display modes are fundamentally different. In my house, we exclusively play in vertical mode. In fact, the only time I’ve played otherwise is in order to gather media for this review. It’s just a matter of preference since vertical “feels” real, and yes, it can change the table’s quality. Here, it feels dramatically different. Game-changing different. Mind you, this is already a table that uses different camera angles than any others usually found in Pinball FX or Pinball M. This was done to take advantage of Cirqus Voltaire’s unique scoreboard that’s under the glass at the rear of the playfield. So it’s already got the look of an entirely different pinball game by an entirely different studio. In the standard horizontal TV view, Cirqus is unplayable, becoming a houseball machine. It was kind of insane how many different ways the table mechanics threw the ball straight between the flippers. The vertical mode does it too, but not so much that it feels broken. Maybe. We debated whether this should be OUT OF ORDER or not and couldn’t come to a unanimous agreement, which is the standard we require. In fairness, it didn’t come close to the votes needed. But that we had enough reasons to debate it in the first place sure ain’t a good thing.

Signature Shot – The Ringmaster: One of THE great toy targets in pinball and the only aspect of this build of Cirqus that’s still really fun. BUT, the targets behind the Ringmaster that you must shoot to activate it are magnetized and will sometimes sling the ball straight down the drain at unfathomable speeds.

We were pretty unanimous in agreeing that Pinball FX’s build of Cirqus Voltaire is one of the worst translations Zen has ever done. It’s a terrible version, frankly. This is a table we gave a clean scorecard to in the Pinball FX 3 build (and I awarded a score of GREAT) and it just picked up three BAD ratings from my team, including one from me. That’s a drop of two ratings. I just couldn’t keep the ball alive, regardless of whether I was making my shots. Something in the mechanics would ice it. Not that this build shoots well. Rebounding is unpredictable since you never know what kind of reaction the ball will have with a solid surface. Plus, this has the floatiest physics in Pinball FX. Actually, I’d swear that Cirqus has its own gravity. It also doesn’t help that the problems with Pinball FX’s physics engine are compounded on a table this tightly packed. Things like how the ball doesn’t bounce or ricochet in a way that resembles real life hurts this one more thanks to a flipper gap you can drive a steamship through. The ball gets hung-up on the mechanic to the left of the Ringmaster and just falls lifelessly down the drain. If you play well enough, it’s likely to happen once a game. It’s certainly the floatiest table in Pinball FX. I’d say it looks kind of like playing pinball underwater, only if the gravity were lighter than water. Dad wasn’t bothered. He thinks Cirqus Voltaire was always a house ball conjurer and quite overrated. His position is that it’s a fine table, but kind of generic and certainly nothing special, especially without the charm of playing on a real pinball table with neon lighting and the DMD under the glass. Maybe he was right all along.
Cathy: BAD (2 out of 5) GREAT on Pinball FX3 (4 out of 5)
Angela: BAD (GOOD on Pinball FX3)
Oscar: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Jordi: BAD
Dash: GOOD
Sasha: GOOD
Dave: GOOD (Pinball FX 3)
Elias: BAD (Pinball FX 3)
Pinball FX Scoring Average: 2.5* – OKAY AT BEST
Pinball FX3 Scoring Average: 3.0 – GOOD
*The Pinball FX and Pinball FX3 versions of Cirqus Voltaire play RADICALLY differently.
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

THREE TYPICAL AVERAGE KIDS..
INSIDE A HAUNTED MANSION..
JUST BY CHANCE..
FREED A GHOST..
WHO MADE THEM BEETLEBORGS!

“BEETLEBORGS!“

BIG BAD BEETLEBORGS!
BIG BAD BEETLEBORGS!
HEY LOOK NOW!
THEY’RE SUPERHEROES..
ARMED WITH SUPERPOWERS..
TAKEN FROM A COMIC STRIP..
AND NOW THEY’RE BEETLEBORGS!

“BEETLEBORGS!“

BIG BAD BEETLEBORGS!
BIG BAD BEETLEBORGS!

Well, that’s what the ringmaster looks like.
(Dracula and Frankenstein shots taken from Monster Bash)

Champions (Pinball FX Table Review)

Champions
aka Marvel’s Women of Power: Champions
First Released September 27, 2016
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Unreleased
Designed by Zoltan Vari
Set: Marvel Pinball Collection 2 ($29.99)
Links: Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
 Kickback – Oscar: My rating of THE PITS would happen whether or not we could come to a consensus on if the table even works right. Champions’ scoring balance is non-existent. A simple three-way combo scores as much as many of the game’s modes. The video mode is too easy to relight and scores MUCH higher than most of the pinball modes. Champions needs a complete overhaul of its scoring because there’s little to no incentive to avoid chopping wood. But, I think it’s broken right now anyway. I think the evidence is overwhelming. I don’t take calling the hard work of Zen’s designers “broken” lightly, but Champions appears to meet the criteria we’ve agreed on.

Champions is one of the strangest tables in Pinball FX, and easily one of the hardest pins to review in the collection. In fact, our discussion on the merits of the table stalled thanks to a discussion on whether or not the table is broken. Sometimes, but not ALL the time, your ability to clear the ramps doesn’t feel directly connected to the ball’s inertia at all. What we’ve experienced certainly doesn’t feel like Castlestorm, where the ball is catching something and slowing down. Instead, it feels like the shots aren’t tight enough, as the ball starts wobbling for no reason and that’s why it runs off its momentum while going up the ramp. Dad says “no, it feels like the shot is being blocked by some unseen force.” Either way, we couldn’t come up with a consensus on whether it’s a mechanics thing or a table thing or an engine thing. No consensus = the review must go forward, and honestly, I don’t think Champions is very good.

Signature Shot – Staff of One: In order to summon heroes to help Ms. Marvel, you have to shoot hoops.. literally. I think this is what the Chakram in Xena was aiming for and didn’t quite pull off. Here, the hoop starts elevated, then lowers once struck. It also moves back and forth as well AND you must shoot it from the front, not get a backwards roll-through. Best shot on the table, easily.

Dad is totally right about the lack of balance. As soon as Angela figured out how easy it was to cheese lighting the high-scoring, easy-to-win video mode, she went to town on it. Just shoot the CD-shaped spinner until the end of time, earning tens of millions of points fairly easily. The combo shooting would be too if not for the absurd amount of rejections. The shame is, the modes are pretty much all exciting and fun, but when the scoring isn’t equally rewarding, nor is it based much on risk/reward factors, it’s hard to get invested in table progress. It has the Bram Stoker’s Dracula-like Hawkeye mode where you have to shoot a bomb off as it crawls across the table. Even the overvalued video mode is kind of random and broken. Sparks bounce around the DMD display and chip off the wall where they connect, and you have to get them all before they hit a piece of the wall they already connected with. We’ve started games of this where the sparks are trailing right behind another spark and immediately exit before you could physically reach them. Combined with rails and outlanes that are among the most brutal of the Marvel tables and Champions just plain isn’t that fun most of the time. It’s probably broken, but it’s not very good anyway. When a rejection happens, you hear Ms. Marvel say “come on!” You said it, sister.
Cathy: BAD (2 out of 5)
Angela: BAD
Oscar: THE PITS (1 out of 5)
Jordi: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Sasha: GOOD
Scoring Average: 2.2 – BAD
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

The Champion Pub (Pinball FX Table Review)

The Champion Pub
First Released April, 1998
Zen Build Released March 19, 2019
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX 3
Based on a Concept by Pete Piotrowski
Conversion by Peter “Deep” Grafl
Set: Williams Pinball Collection 1 ($23.99)
Links: Internet Pinball Database Listing – Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
Champion Pub finished dead last among 100 tables in our review guide to The Pinball Arcade. Even Farsight’s god awful broken piece of sh*t Doctor Who: Master of Time didn’t play as bad as their version of The Champion Pub. For Pinball FX, while it’s near the bottom of MY rankings, that’s not unanimous anymore. Not even close. Champion Pub has emerged as the most polarizing Williams pin in the entire collection. Though, I will say that I found it telling that those who love it declined to defend it with a Kickback. Angela told me to put down “guilty pleasure” and not a word more.

Well, I suppose a celebration is in order. Champion Pub is no longer the worst table in a collection of pinball tables. While I rank Champion Pub second-to-last among the Williams pins, the gap between it and Safe Cracker is so big I’d need to create one or two extra tiers just to properly put it in context. At least Champion Pub, godawful as it is, has an unforgettable driver. It often doesn’t work, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, I guess. As a critic, I can’t look the other way on glitches and gameplay hangups, even if I sympathize with the historically difficult-to-port task given. Nobody has ever gotten this table right, including the people who originally made it. This build is probably the most stable I’ve seen, and it still has balls getting caught in the boxer, or vanishing and having to perform a soft reset, and shots on the boxer just plain not registering. This and Safe Cracker are the only Williams pins where I’d actually be okay with Zen redoing the mechanics to make more logical sense. Keep the original build for those who want to play it, of course. But, also create an entirely new version of Champion Pub that keeps the targets and scoring, but replaces the attempts at replicating real-life mechanisms with newer, more predictable digital targets. Why not? You own the license! Hell, Zen’s designers should already be making sequels to Williams pins anyway.

Signature Shot – The Boxer: Your enjoyment of The Champion Pub, or lack thereof, will come down to how much fun you have shooting Knuckles O’Brien. I personally don’t think it’s as satisfying as it probably should be. It doesn’t help that you never know what will register and what won’t. Sometimes a love tap scores a hit. And sometimes the ball flies off one of the curved ramps, pops the son of a bitch full-force in the jaw and nothing happens. Since hits slow down the rate your health depletes, even getting hosed out of one hit you earned could be very costly. The Champion Pub would have probably made a better Pinball 2000 release, and this concept would certainly work better as a modern digital exclusive that doesn’t have to try to replicate the mechanics of a toy that never worked all that great in the first place.

Sometimes the glitches benefit you. Like sometimes the drain post just jams and stays jammed for entire balls. This happened to each of the Vices, including twice for me, for a grand total of four stuck posts in about thirty or so full games. So, it’s a thing, and that means when you look at the online leaderboards, you can never know if the top scores were done with or without the benefit of that glitch. With that out of the way, my father and I agree that we’d rank a full-realized, glitch-free version of Pub THE PITS regardless. Pub has horrible scoring balance. It has miserable outlanes. It has dull ramps and loops. The best thing we can say about it is that it actually does play well in multiball, which is a good thing because the table is so heavy with them. Meanwhile, the jump rope and punching bag just feel harder than they should be. The Champion Pub is one of the most overrated tables ever made and I get that people love the idea behind it, but the reality is so putrid that I can’t even say “at least it’s different.” I literally can’t believe this got the votes to crawl out of the sewer and no longer be a 💩CERTIFIED TURD💩 In fact, it got three positive votes to go with the three original Pinball Chick team members (me, Oscar, and Jordi) sticking to our guns on Pub being one of the worst pins ever made.
Cathy: THE PITS (1 out of 5)
Angela: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Oscar: THE PITS
Jordi: BAD (2 out of 5)
Dash: GREAT (4 out of 5)
Sasha: BAD
Dave: GOOD (Pinball FX3)*
Elias: THE PITS (Pinball FX3)*
Overall Scoring Average: 2.125 – BAD
Primary Scoring Average: 2.16 – BAD
*Pinball FX3 plays different than Pinball FX
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Castlestorm (Pinball FX Table Review)

Castlestorm
First Released February 25, 2015
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX 3
Designed by Gabor “coltos” Andrassy
Set: Zen Originals Collection 1 ($15.99)
Links: Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
Thanks to Pinball FX3, we have a rough idea of what we’ll be giving a fixed version of Castlestorm. It’ll, at minimum, sweep positive ratings and carry a scoring average of 3.5 out of 5. They have got to fix this one because it’s a keeper.

Unfortunately, at this time we have to declare Castlestorm to be a broken table. The Sky Falls ramp rejects shots that are dead solid on track, with no consistency for why the ball does or doesn’t complete the ramp. The ball seems to be catching on where the dragon will eventually spawn as it turns the corner, eating up all its speed. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn’t, but it’s not tied at all to anything a player is doing or not. It does the “Wile E. Coyote running into an Acme Slingshot” thing where it just stops and is fired back at players. If they fix this, Castlestorm has a clean scorecard coming its way, but until then..
Castlestorm on Pinball FX is declared to be ⚠OUT OF ORDER⚠
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.

Captain America (Pinball FX Table Review)

Captain America
First Released June 28, 2011
Main Platform: Pinball FX
Switch Platform: Pinball FX
Designed by Viktor Gyorei
Set: Marvel Pinball Collection 1 ($23.99)
Links: Strategy Guide – Pinball FX Wiki
Kickback – Sasha (Before Cathy changed her vote to GOOD): Of the two World War II-themed tables in Pinball FX, I like Captain America a lot more than I like Brothers in Arms. Cap isn’t as difficult and better mimics a table that feels like you’re sneaking around a battlefield. The knock-about capture ball is perfectly used in the Sparring mode, and while I might be alone, I think the Adhesive X mode is unique and fun. The bumpers probably shouldn’t be as hard to get to as they are and the skill shot is confusing and weak, but I like Captain America. Why wasn’t this in the Arcade1Up?

I wanted to love Captain America. I love the comics. I love the movies. I’m a pro Superman and Captain America weirdo who likes an unambiguous goodie two shoes in comics. Eventually I grew to tolerate Zen’s pinball take on Cap, but it took a couple years and a niece who likes this pin a lot more than I do to convince me I was wrong about it. It just feels haphazard. I can only think of one table that I valleyed more balls while trying to shoot a loop and that’s Ripley’s Believe it or Not! for Pinball Arcade (Dead by Daylight on Pinball M has since joined those ranks). The giant ramp on the left side of the table is one of the most rejection heavy in Pinball FX, and that sucks because it looks so cool. Captain America is also one of the most damning offenders of Zen going overboard on animations and “screwing around” as sometimes the wait to start shooting again when you start a mode is agonizing. Even worse: when you get the ball back, every single table light ripples for a brief moment while you’re trying to figure out what the actual, lit targets are, and frankly there’s too many modes that take too many shots.

Signature Mode – Ambush: Reminding me of an old boardwalk type of mechanical novelty game, the object of this is to use your shield to block the balls. The incoming one is lit, and it might actually be the easiest mini-game among the Marvel pins.

It’s not a total wash, as the idea of rescuing the Howling Commandos, each of whom adds a unique buff to the gameplay, is one I’d like to see more of. Unlike the buffs in Blade, only one is equipped at time, and even better, these ones are actually very well balanced. Even one that does a 30x score multiplier isn’t over-powered because it only applies to target shots and not mode points. The buffs are that good kind of maddening, because each is enticing enough that it’s actually something you have to weigh risk/reward instead of the choice being so self-evident that you’d be a fool to choose anything else. I also like that you have to shoot the knock-about capture ball to shuffle through the Commandos you’ve earned. That’s the best shot on the table. It never gets old. The buff system, along with a few genuinely fun shots, carried Captain America over the finish line for me. Even with kickbacks literally aimed at the slingshots, which themselves are aimed at the drain. Cap features a couple pretty decent modes, like shooting the knock-about to simulate a fist fight with Red Skull. It actually does feel like the pinball version of punching a lot more than Champion Pub. Yea, Captain America is pretty janky, but it’s almost endearing for it. Which isn’t to say they should try for jank in the future. If not for the jank, Captain might be the best Marvel pin instead of being near the bottom of my GOOD pile.
Cathy: GOOD (3 out of 5)
Angela: BAD (2 out of 5)
Oscar: BAD
Jordi: BAD
Sasha: GOOD
Overall Scoring Average: 2.4 – BAD
Some review copies were provided in this review, others were paid for.